Marlena: Mocha Moe's? Vinnie Van Go-Go's? 'Spro? Why do these café names fill me with a sense of dread? I should have brought a coffeemaker with me.
A short time later, in Mocha Moe's:
Steve (to Marlena): Hello again, Legs. Nate abandon you so soon? I did try to warn you.
Marlena (to Steve): Oh goodie, the testosterone brigade has arrived. You do realize, it's not a good thing when you can't put your arms down at your side, right? You may want to lay of the shake weights.
Steve (to Marlena): Heh. Honey, I can put my arms down as far as they need to go. What's with this big ol' chip on your shoulder? I'm just trying to be friendly.
Marlena (to Steve): Really? I think I missed that chapter in etiquette class... I was under the impression that being nice was saying things like, 'Hi there. How are you?' 'Nice weather we're having.' 'It's nice to see you.' Not whatever the hell has been coming out of your mouth.
Steve (to Marlena): Come on, now. I haven't said an unkind word about you, have I? And me and Natey, well, that's just the kinda relationship we have. You know how boys are.
Marlena (to Steve): Yeah, actually I do know exactly how boys are. And, I know they grow up to be men... Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find my friend.
Steve (to Marlena): Hold on! Now, don't walk away mad. I'd hate for a pretty thing like you to be angry with me.
Marlena (to Steve): Give me a fucking break, Helmet... I am so not your type.
Steve (to Marlena): Honey, EVERY type of lady is my type.
Marlena (to Steve): Why does that not fucking surprise me? Let me put it more plainly... If you don't get out of my fucking way, I'm going to romperte el maldito brazo y empujarlo hasta el momento en el culo que vas a ser capaz de tocar las amígdalas. ¿Entiendes?
Winchester (to Marlena & Steve): Pardon me, miss? Is this gentleman bothering you?
Steve (to Winchester): Calm down, Red. I wasn't bothering her. We were just talking. (to Marlena) Weren't we? I'm not sure what you said, Legs, but I can understand the tone. I'll see y'all later. Say hi to Nate for me.
Marlena (to Winchester): Thank you for stepping in. He was getting on my last nerve.
Winchester (to Marlena): It was my pleasure, miss. I can't abide gentlemen that can't take no for an answer, it makes the rest of us look bad. Do try to be more careful.
Marlena (to Winchester): I will. Thanks again.
A short time later, at the Oxford Motor Lodge:
Nathaniel (on the phone): I'll get there when I get there. Why are you so hung up on knowing EXACTLY what time I'm gonna arrive? ... Because a friend drove me, Ma. We spend God knows how many hours on the damn road. I'm not gonna force her right back behind the wheel. ... Yes, "she." No. She's a FRIEND. It'll be sometime after lunch, alright? ... No. I'm not gonna give you an estimated time. ...You know damn well why, Mom.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Hey, I brought you a coffee... Oops. Sorry. I'll just put it over here.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): It's fine. Thanks. (to the phone) Look, I've gotta go. ... NO. I've gotta go. I'll see you later on today, alright? ...Yeah. I know. Bye. (to Marlena) God fucking almighty... I wonder if they've got any of my old meds still in the medicine cabinet at home. I might fucking need them to do this without screaming my damn head off.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): You'll do fine. If you want me to hang out with you while you're there I can.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): I... Shit. I really hate to fucking ask, but if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it. Mom REALLY wanted to know what time I was gonna be there, which makes me suspicious as hell, you know? Plus, if I get too rednecky, you can punch me in the arm, or kick me or some shit. Heh. Holy shit! This coffee is fucking terrible.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Sorry about that. I could only find coffee chains. And to top of my morning adventure I ran into your fucking pal, Steve... He was real close to getting beat up by a girl. Thankfully some weird English dude stepped in.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Oh Jesus. Just the fucking dickwad you wanna deal with first thing in the morning... And a weird English dude, huh? Heh. That's one argument for getting this done, and fast. I got my own weird English dude I wanna get back to... How weird WAS this English dude?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): I don't know, English weird... Wearing a suit. Looked like a professor or a lawyer. Why?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): It's nothing. I'm probably being paranoid. I was just wondering if Aunt Poppy sent one of the members of her spy brigade down here to see what the fuck the Joneses were up to. It wouldn't be the first time she'd done it.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Well, it wasn't anyone I recognized, but that doesn't mean anything. I don't think I've met all of them.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): I've met a handful, but every time I was at one of their, uh, spy camps, or whatever, I definitely got a whole lot of that "being watched by people you can't see" feeling. It was unnerving as fuck! Fiona said there was some kinda betting pool going on with them about what I was like. Heh. Or even if I was real.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): HAHA! Because of Aiden? I knew it! I knew I wasn't the only one who thought he was a fucking robot... Oh, sorry.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah, yeah. Yuck it up. Honestly, I don't get it. He doesn't seem like a robot to me. A little distant sometimes, maybe, heh, and kinda forward at first, but I'm more than kinda hysterical sometimes, so it works.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): I didn't say it was a bad thing... So, should we get this shitstorm over with & head to your parents house, now?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah. You wanna get something to eat before hand? I don't know what kinda reception we'll get at my parents' and there's only one restaurant in town that's open for lunch. I don't think they'll serve me.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Why? Did you set it on fire or something?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): No. Tim's parents own it. So, I'm guessing I'm not on their favorite people list right about now.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Oh well, come on, let's go get some food here & then head off to bumpkin land.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Heh. Alright. Sounds good. Is it weird that it's kinda comforting to think that Aunt Poppy sent somebody to town?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Nah. I'd think it was weirder if she didn't.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Heh. Alright. Let's get this donkey show on the stage.
A few hours later, at the Jones' house, Dogpatch, Mississippi:
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Hey. You ready to get the fuck outta here? I'm done.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Yeah, I think I've had my fucking fill of southern hospitality.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah. Likewise. You mind stopping in a convenience store and grabbing me a pack of cigarettes and some ice?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Yeah, sure... What the hell happened to you?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Nothing much. My mom tried to slap me for my sass mouth. I didn't feel like getting smacked, so I grabbed her hand. I guess that was just more than my dad could stand. First time he ever fucking hit me...
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Shit. I'm sorry. So, what's the plan, then? Back to the hotel to pack up or are we sticking around?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): I-I can't... I mean, I think I've said all I can say to them. I just wanna go home. We can leave tomorrow morning, if it's too late for you to drive.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Nah, let's get the hell out of here. If we need to, we can get a motel room on the way.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah. That'll work. Thanks... And thanks for coming with me on this fucking waste of fucking time.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): It wasn't a waste of time. We got to see South of Border, we ate barbecue & I got to threaten a redneck. Just a typical roadtrip, if you ask me. Besides, what else was I fucking going to do this week? Nothing but go to class.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): And, hey, you got to meet my charming ass family. Heh. Bet you've never been so glad not to share genes with us, huh? Which was just weird since the whole locking up Aiden thing. I didn't think a person could live with that much denial. I guess it's true what they say... It's not just a fucking river. So, are you okay?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Heh...Well, I was having trouble holding in the laugh when your mother kept trying to insist that I was your girlfriend.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Heh. Yeah, she was really fucking hoping, and not just cause that would make me "right with god," you know? Mostly cause that would make them right about everything. I feel like fucking shit. But, I'll be alright.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Heh. And, here I was thinking that it was because she was hoping to have grandchildren that could spell their own name. Your brother is a fucking piece of work.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah. Don't I fucking know it? He's not actually as stupid as he pretends he is. No one in my family is. It'd be easy to write them all off as ignorant rednecks, but they're not, really. Bubba just likes to play the part of a good ol' boy.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Well, that's just stupid. My mom always says you should be careful what you pretend to be because you just might become it.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah. Well he's fucking on his way, that's for damn sure.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Shit... These are the moments when I wish Riv-- Aiden were here to buy us a beer. I think we both could use a drink after all that.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): You wish Aiden were here, huh? Heh. Sure if you say so. If you really want a drink, I've got my permit, and I know a couple of places in Oxford where they don't card.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Well, if we get a drink then we should probably wait 'til morning to leave. So, it's up to you.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): ...I don't wanna stay, but for putting up with all this shit, I owe you a beer at fucking least. Wanna split the difference? I'll pay for whatever you want at the sketchy convenience store that doesn't card, we can get the fuck outta town, and then stop for the night, and you can drink the lot.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Sounds good to me. Let's blow this one horse town.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): God, please. If I never see this town again...
A short time later:
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Oh. Hey! That's the convenience store right there. Whaddya want?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Something dark would be preferable, but what the fuck ever you can get.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Heh. Black like your soul? OK. Be right back.
A few minutes later:
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Here. Dark beer. I... I think we should go now. I think reality is broken.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Uh, what the fuck happened?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): I ran into Tim's mom... She gave me a hug, and said she was really glad to see that I looked OK. She said her & Mr. Miller were worried about me...
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Well, that's fucking something...
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah... I don't even know what the fuck to think right now. Like I said, reality is fucking broken. We should leave before... I dunno. A hellmouth opens up, or Jesus comes down from on high, or fucking Xenu flies a spaceship up our ass!
An hour or so later:
Marlena (to Nathaniel): The car is loaded up & we're checked out, so let's get the hell out of here.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Sounds good to me.
Meanwhile, at the Lovelace School of the Arts, East Piedmont:
Ophelia Saint-Cyr (to Colin): Um, excuse me? Are you Colin? I wanted to join the Math Club & Mr. Garibaldi told me I should talk to you.
Colin (to Ophelia): What? Seriously? Awesome! Then you're in. The next meeting is after school next Tuesday. We meet in Mr. Garibaldi's class.
Ophelia (to Colin): Okay... Do you guys go to tournaments? I was in the Mathletes at my last school & I was hoping to keep at it.
Colin (to Ophelia): Heh. No, not really. It's a performing art magnet school, not to perpetuate stereotypes, but there aren't a lot of mathletes 'round these parts. :-P If you really want to keep up with the tournaments, Mr. Garibaldi could probably arrange something with West Piedmont High. I know Angus used to do them.
Ophelia (to Colin): Oh. Well, I'm here for the theatre program more than anything, but I guess the math club will just have to appease my love of integers and theorems. I'm sorry. I just realized I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Ophelia. You can start the jokes, now.
Colin (to Ophelia): Oh yeah? Cool! We can always use fresh meat in the theater department too. I won't make fun of your name. Quote Hamlet at you non-stop MAYBE, but I wouldn't make fun. Ooo! Gotta run. So we'll see you next Tuesday, right?
Ophelia (to Colin): Sounds great. See you then!
Colin (to Ophelia): Cool! Oh. Whatever you do, don't bring a graphing calculator. Angus likes to "borrow" them, and draw boobs. He's a charmer.
Ophelia (to Colin): Thanks for the warning!
A moment later:
Zoe (to Colin): Hey... Who was that?
Colin (to Zoe): The newest New Kid, Ophelia. She was asking about the Math Club. I'm still not sure if she was screwing with me or not. :-P
Zoe (to Colin): Oh.
Colin (to Zoe): What's up?
Zoe (to Colin): Nothing... I just wanted to say um, thank you for a nice time, last night. A really, really nice time.
Colin (to Zoe): Oh. Heh heh. Honestly, I should be thanking you. Again. That was amazing.
Zoe (to Colin): I'm glad you liked it. Would you be interested in doing something similar today? Perhaps a little more intimate?
Colin (to Zoe): Um, yeah. I wouldn't be opposed to that. Like at all. Where did you have in mind?
Zoe (to Colin): I uh, was thinking you, me in my hidey hole… Oh shit, I didn't mean to make that sound so filthy.
Colin (to Zoe): ...Mmmm. That's alright. You will note that I am not blushing or laughing at all. Nope.
Zoe (to Colin): That's very kind of you.
Colin (to Zoe): Heh. Yes. I'm a super nice guy. Mostly because I didn't notice how filthy that sounded until you pointed it out. I think I fail at being a teenage boy. :-P
Zoe (to Colin): Well, please don't try to be a teenage girl cuz I'm not into that sorta thing. Though, you'd probably look lovely. :-p
Colin (to Zoe): I wouldn't want to make you jealous of my fine ass self. :-P When do you want to go to New York?
Zoe (to Colin): How about right now?
Colin (to Zoe): Sure! I mean, uh, yeah, if that's cool with you. You can get me back home before I'll get in trouble, right?
Zoe (to Colin): Of course. Haven't I gotten you home on time up until now?
Colin (to Zoe): Well then stop your dawdling, madam Superhero. Let's go!
Zoe (to Colin): Yes, sir.
Several hours later, at a motel off I-95N:
Nathaniel (to Marlena): The ice machine is bullshit. I didn't get "ice" so much as "half a bucket of skanky looking water and a few cubes." Shit, Mars. How many of those did you drink already?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Three... You said you weren't going to drink them & it's fucking stuffy in this room. Why'd they only give us one bed?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): I'm not. I have a history of making really stupid decisions when I'm drunk. Besides, I'll probably just start crying or some shit. Heh. You really wanna deal with that? I asked for a rollaway bed down at the front desk, but I'm not holding my breath. Want me to prop the door open or turn the air on or something?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Yeah, open the door... This room fucking sucks. If I wasn't about to drop dead, I'd really bitch about it. You're just going to have to share the bed with me, I guess. Hop on up.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Uh, yeah. No, that's alright. Toss me a couple of pillows, and I'll crash in the chair. Or on this charming window seat... What the fuck is... OH HOLY SHIT! Oh god, I fucking touched it! Not on that fucking window seat. There was a pair of black lacy... SOMETHINGS stuffed on the side of the cushion. So. Chair it is, then.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Heh. Fat Christ. Come on, you can sleep in the bed with me. I'm not going to do anything. You really think that chair is gonna be any better than the window seat?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Oh god... Don't say that. I'm way more happy lying to myself. And... It's not you I'm worried about. When Zoe first started staying with Aunt Poppy and Uncle Vincent, she was having nightmares, and would crash with me, and...I, uh, I kinda... I stuck my hand down her top in my sleep. So, uh, yeah. I don't wanna end up with a second black eye, thanks.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Look, I realize that you're all hot for this body & I'm flattered but I hate to tell you this... You're gay & I don't have a penis. I'm not worried about it. You've been getting all sexified by Aiden. You'll be fine. We both need a good nights sleep & the bed is the best place to get that.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Ha ha ha. You're a fucking laugh riot, you know that? Look, I'll be fine on the chair. Last time I did that I freaked out, and I don't wanna do that. This day's been enough of a clusterfuck. Besides, I'm sure they at least checked the fucking chair for lacy fucking underthings. Look... Oh Jesus... They didn't fucking check the chair for lacy underthings. That's it! I'm sleeping in the fucking car.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Fine... I'll leave this side of the bed for you, so when you come to your fucking senses you can climb in. Close the door on your way out. I'm going to go put my pajamas on.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): ... Alright. Don't be pissy. Just fucking... Just elbow me if I get too close to you, alright?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): I will. Don't fucking worry.
