Zoe (to Poppy): Mom, what are you doing?
Poppy (to Zoe): Making breakfast, honey. What's it look like I'm doing? Painting the Sistine Chapel?
Zoe (to Poppy): It looks like some sort of weird stretching exercise... Seriously, what are you doing?
Poppy (to Zoe): Fine... I'm just suddenly wondering what's with the prim & proper attire, honey. You don't normally wear high-collared shirts or... are you wearing blue jeans? My goodness, are you okay? Who are you? And what have you done with my daughter? :-P
Zoe (to Poppy): Very funny, mom. I'm just trying something different... Plus, I need to do laundry.
Poppy (to Zoe): I thought it was very funny, sweetie. Anyway, if you'd like me to, I can do your laundry. I'm going to assume whatever is on the floor of your room is fair game, though.
Zoe (to Poppy): That works for me. Thanks, mom! You are the best. I gotta get to school. I love you!
Poppy (to Zoe): I love you, too.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Yikes! Watch it, Short Stack. You're not gonna rest 'til you run me over, are you?
Zoe (to Nathaniel): Sorry. Here's a drive by hug for your trip. Stay safe & give a holler if you need a rescue.
Poppy (to Zoe): I will. I'll see you when I... Are you wearing blue jeans?
Zoe (to Nathaniel): Yes... I need to do laundry. Don't mock.
Poppy (to Zoe): I ain't saying a word. I'll see you later, runt. (to Poppy) Aunt Poppy? Hey. Uncle Vincent asked us to stop by before we left, so, um, here we are.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): See ya, Smoky.
Poppy (to Nathaniel): I'm glad you did, honey. Would you like some muffins for the road?
Nathaniel (to Poppy): Oh. Yeah. That would be great. Thanks. Mars is insisting we take like 15 varieties of beef jerky. It'll be nice to have a non-dehydrated option.
Poppy (to Nathaniel): Heehee, her mother is the same way. The few times she worked with your uncle on the Falcon, she got hooked on the stuff... Personally, I find it disgusting but that may simply be because I grew up gnawing on it as a child. Here's, a basketful of blueberry muffins & I threw in a couple bottles of juice. You'll need it.
Nathaniel (to Poppy): Yeah. Likewise. If she pulls out a bag of porkrinds, I may have to jump outta the car. Um, thanks. Again. For, you know... For, um, for every damn thing, I guess. You guys didn't have to do any of it, and... um, thanks.
Poppy (to Nathaniel): Oh honey, come here & give me a hug... You shouldn't be so sentimental with a pregnant woman, it's going to make me cry. And, we're both so proud of you & all you've accomplished.
Nathaniel (to Poppy): Heh. Everyone keeps saying that. I must've been a real dick if acting like a normal human being is enough...
Vincent (to Nathaniel & Poppy): Awwww! Are we hugging? We're hugging!
Nathaniel (to Vincent & Poppy): Gah! Uncle Vincent!
Poppy (to Vincent): Heehee yes, honey. Nate was just stopping by to say goodbye.
Vincent (to Nathaniel): Well, then have an extra hug. Please keep yourself safe and sane, Nate. If your parents won't listen, or you feel like you can't handle being there, just leave. This isn't our only option, OK? You don't have to fix this in one trip.
Nathaniel (to Vincent & Poppy): Yeah. I know. Thanks.
Poppy (to Nathaniel): Okay, honey. Give our love to Mars. And, please don't hesitate to call, even if you just need to vent.
Nathaniel (to Poppy & Vincent): I will. Thanks again. I'll see y'all in a couple of days.
A few minutes later, outside in Marlena's car, West Piedmont:
Marlena (to Nathaniel): All set?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yep. Aunt Poppy gave us some blueberry muffins and juice and shit for the road. You know, in case your body decides it needs something other than fucking salt, nicotine and caffeine as sustenance.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Yes, Dad. Come on, let's get this show on the road.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah. The sooner we get there, the sooner we get the fuck outta there. I've already got the route mapped with the GPS. It'll take a little longer, but TRUST ME, we wanna stay on the major highways.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Heh... Damn. We're going by South of the Border... Do you mind if we stop there on the way?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): What the fuck IS South of the Border?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Fat Christ! You've never been there? It's this cheesy roadside attraction, it's been there fucking forever. It was sorta my parents first date. Anyway, they've talked about it before, but I've never been. I wouldn't mind seeing it for myself... That is if you're willing. We might as well try and enjoy ourselves on the drive down. We're probably not going to have much opportunity for fun once we're there or on the ride back.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Heh. Well, shit. We're going to Dog-fucking-patch, Mississippi. We might as well make it a damn Southern Trash Tour. We'll get barbecue and fucking camo baseball hats while we're at it.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): ... Just so you know, if you try and make me drink Sweet Tea, I'm turning the fucking car around.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): WHAT? You don't want a gallon's worth of weak-ass tea flavored with 13 pounds of sugar? Why the fuck not? You must be a finicky eater, aren't you? No wonder you're such a rail thin thing. Bless your heart!
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Heh... I have no idea what you just fucking said to me.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Heh. I just insulted you for being too skinny, and implied you're possibly anorexic. :-P Insulting people is a subtle art in the south. Heh. Wonder what they're gonna say about me when we get there?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Probably, nothing you haven't already heard from them.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Ha ha ha! Probably not. There are only so many variations on the word faggot to go around. Heh. Bubba did once call me a faggy fancy faggot. That one was new. Most don't go in for alliteration when hurling slurs.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Ah, your brother is a truly verbose vulgarian. I'll bare that in fucking mind & keep anything I say to him monosyllabic.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): He plays football. He gets hit in the head a lot.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Sounds like he might fucking deserve it.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): You kidding? He's practically a home-grown hero. He plays FOOTBALL, Mars. Heh. You'll see. For which, by the way, I'm really fucking sorry. Preemptively.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Heh. It's okay. I've dealt with that kind of shit my whole life... Try being the artsy, smart, home-schooled kid, sometime. It's not much of a picnic, either.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): No fucking kidding. I wouldn't imagine it is. I always tried to tell Tim how fucking lucky he was his parents sent him to that fucking magnet school in Oxford... Shit. Sorry.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): What do you have to be sorry about, Nate?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): I'm trying not to be a morose motherfucker. This trip's gonna be shitty enough without me mooning all over everything.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): It's okay. You're allowed three moments of morbidity on the trip down, after that I'm gonna punch you in the fuckin' arm.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Heh. Does that count as one?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Nah, that was your freebie since you didn't know the rules… Which I just made up. :-P
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Heh. Alright, then. I'll make sure to make 'em count. Lucky you.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Heh... Why don't you put on some damn music? It's your job as navigator to keep me entertained, so I don't kill us in a fiery blaze from lack of sleep, sheer boredom or having to put up with your whiny shit. :-p
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Heh. Alright, then. It's gonna be the all emo bullshit hour, then. Shit! And you've got the fucking collection for it. Do you fucking hate happiness? Is that the problem?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): What!?! I'm happy. I'm like a bright fucking ray of sunshine.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah. That's exactly how I would describe you. Also, you have the music collection of a depressed teenage girl. In 1989.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Hello? Have you fucking met my parents? My mom was a Goth/Industrial DJ for like 20 years before she opened the coffeehouse. And, my dad, well, let's just say his taste in music is a lot of fucking Bauhaus... Well, mostly Bauhaus. Actually, it's probably only fucking Bauhaus.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Ha ha ha! Well, that makes sense for your folks, but I figure you'd rebel by listening to... I dunno, country or some shit.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Yeah, I tried that... I got on a big J-Rock, K-Pop kick cuz of Yoyo for about four months & then, realized that the only reason I liked it was because I couldn't understand a single fucking word. I made the mistake of reading the english translation of the lyrics and then I ran back to the old stuff I grew up listening to. Don't tell my mom, though. I still like to torment her with that other shit. She gets noticeably twitchy... I know, I'm an ass.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Ha ha ha! Oh! Oh shit. Don't tell me that! Your mom is my boss. I don't need to know ways to torment her.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Hey! Don't steal my mom tormenting tricks. I'll have to come up with all new ones.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Heh. Fair enough. I got no reason to torment your mom anyway. It's not like I've been the greatest employee since I got there. She's been really cool to me.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): No, my folks are cool, I'm lucky to have them. Hell, I'm lucky that my Dad found us when he did. I might still be in that stupid pod & my mom would still be in New London with Hiiri.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): You were what? Your mom was in New London with Hiiri? Like crazy fucking robot Hiiri?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Yeah... Fuck... No one told you about that shit?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): No. Uncle Vincent said your parents had a rough fucking time over in Britannia, but no one went into specifics.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Oh... You probably don't want to fucking hear about it. Besides, if we're trying not to be morose bastards that won't help.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): I think I'm gonna end up a morose bastard even if we were talking about puppies and fucking rainbows. I gotta admit; I'm kinda fucking curious. I only met Hiiri once, uh, kinda, and she was pretty fucking freaky. But, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, you know.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Yeah well, try fucking living with her... I'm fine. Besides what else do we have to talk about. Anyway, the short version is Hiiri had my mom & I in a house in New London for five years. She used to scare the hell out of me. That was when she looked exactly like my mom. The only way you could tell the difference were the eyes & the hair. My mom started dying hers black again as soon as she was able to. I think it was to help me differentiate them & because she didn't want to be confused with Hiiri by other people, since a lot of folks have very bad memories of her. Anyway, my Dad, Vincent & Poppy helped find us both & then we went back to West Piedmont... That was about the time we thought that Hiiri had been destroyed by Poppy's brother, Thaddeus.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Holy fucking shit... HOLY fucking shit. Wait. I thought Uncle Vincent said he killed Hiiri.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): He did, sort of... He killed one of the human clones. Hiiri apparently had four of them made while trying to figure out how the whole skipper ability worked...That's where Zoe came from & why she has the ability when my mom doesn't. She was spliced with Vincent & Poppy's genes. Hiiri has a very warm place in her heart for the family & she likes to fuck with us.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah. I noticed that. She made a couple of appearances when Zoe first showed up. ...Christ. This family, man.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Heh. Yeah, we've been through some shit. But, seriously, I wouldn't trade my family for anything. Sure, the old folks have been through some shit & got themselves fucked up & broken at times. But, they've always come through & made sure all us kids were safe and happy in what is sometimes the most unconventional way possible, but what the fuck ever.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah, well, coming from a "proper traditional family," I can say it's super fucked up in it's own way, you know? Heh. Or, at least mine fucking is. Everybody gets so wrapped up in how shit looks, that no one cares who gets fucked over in the process as long as the neighbors don't start talking. Bubba once went through school for three fucking hours with a concussion and a broken wrist, cause he didn't wanna look like a wuss. And my parents... Shit. We lived on tuna fish, spaghetti and hot dogs for the first three years when they moved into their current house, cause they couldn't quite afford the mortgage and all the new fucking furniture they bought. My dad was never as successful as Grandpa. I think that always pissed him off. It's probably why they didn't press charges against fucking Barry. For all his fucking popularity, there were always rumors floating around about Gramps. And not cause of Uncle Vincent. Guess they figured I'd caused enough fucking controversy for the family.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Judging from the fucking look on your face... That's one. :-P Why do you keep fucking driving yourself crazy with this bullshit? Yes, your life wasn't all that great up 'til now... But, look at yourself. I mean, really fucking look. You've come a long way from the little pissant that came to town with a huge chip on his shoulder. And, I hate to say it but you've got a long life ahead of you & the older you get, the further away you get from the person your family made you into & closer to being the man you want to be. So, just look at this trip as a way to say goodbye & close the book to all that shit.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah. I know. And that's not a bad idea. I know I need to let some of this shit go. But, shit, it only happened three years ago, and it was bad. Really fucking bad. The thing that pisses me off the most was that they didn't fucking believe me. Or, at least that's what they said. And yeah. That totally fucking counts as one.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Heh.
Meanwhile, at the Piedmont Museum of Art & Science, West Piedmont:
Delia (to Aiden): Um.. are you okay? I can't say I've ever seen someone writing forcefully yet politely like that. Its like you're trying to write that cat mummy a strongly worded letter. If that's the case don't bother. Those spoiled fuckers can't read. They're lazy. Cause, ya know, cats.
Aiden (to Delia): Heh. I'm sorry, Ms. Fawkes. I was a bit distracted thinking about something else.
Delia (to Aiden): Ya don't say. Anything I can help with? If need be I can be loud, stern and disapproving at someone for you. I'm good at that.
Aiden (to Delia): Thank you for the offer, but I don't want to bore you with my problems... I'm not sure this particular mummy belongs in here. It would appear that someone has mummified a children's toy & hid it among the cat mummies. What should we do with it?
Delia (to Aiden): If you're sure. Just remember, I AM an old friend of Vincent's. I'm used to listening to odd problems and then beating up the the cause of said problems. As for the mummy... I think that is the product of a grad student trying to be cute. In which case I get to make a trip to the university to figure out who and more importantly, why. And probably kick them a little.
Aiden (to Delia): ... Oh. I'm sure you'll enjoy the kicking part. And, I do appreciate the offer of an ear to bend. I may take you up on it at some point, but at the moment, I think I'm still trying to work out how I feel about it.
Delia (to Aiden): Roger that. In that case I keep a stash of candy in my desk. Third drawer on the left. Chocolate is good for thinking. I will take this mummy and head to the university to go terrorize me a couple of students.
Aiden (to Delia): Good luck & thank you.
An hour or so later:
Delia: Achievement unlocked: Making 2 college students in their 20's nearly cry while their professor tried not to giggle like a schoolgirl. Ha!
A few hours later, in Marlena's car:
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Let's stop here & get gas. I don't know about you but I could use a chance to stretch my legs.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah. It'll give all the dramatic confessional hanging in the air a chance to dissipate. Plus, I gotta piss like a racehorse.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Oh. Were you confessing? I swore I just heard bitchin' about family. I'll have to pay better attention next time. :-P
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Seriously, Stretch, here I am, pouring out my heart and soul and confessing my True Fucking Lurve for you, and you ignore me.
A few minutes later, at a gas station:
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Here. Money for gas. Take it. Hurry up and take it, woman! I'm about to burst my bladder here!
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Fine... I'll fill her up while you run off to the potty, sissy boy. :-P
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Hey, you want me to whip it out right here and piss in the bushes, I fucking will!
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Heh... Cool it. The natives appear to be staring.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Oh. Heh. Shit. Sorry. I won't prance off to the bathroom, then.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Shit... We're going to get lynched.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): No we're not. Just calm down, smile, and look like you belong here. I'll be right back.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Yeah, yeah. I'll be fine. Grab me a ginger ale while you're in there.
A short time later:
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Back, un-lynched, and bearing ginger ale and fresh-baked cookies from Betty, the lovely lady behind the counter. Wave to her.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Oh... Okay. How did you get cookies from her?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): I told her how we were going back to my hometown in Mississippi, my grandpa isn't doing so well, you see, and damn if you aren't just the sweetest thing for driving me all that way. Heh. If any of those Good Ol' Boys says word one to us, Betty will give them a tongue lashing from hell. :-P
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Heh. You're really fuckin' something, Nate.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Heh. Yeah. Yeah. I know. If I had a mind to be, I'd be an awesome fucking con artist. Or a preacher. :-P Hell, I WAS an awesome fucking con artist.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Heh... Come on, let's get back on the road.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah. We gotta get you to South of the Border. :-P
Meanwhile, at the Lovelace School of the Arts, East Piedmont:
Joseph (to Zoe): Hey... Here's my portion of the group project. You & the Nimrod twins can do the presentation without me.
Zoe (to Joseph): Don't be ridiculous. You deserve to do it more then they do, anyway... I am still really sorry about all that.
Joseph (to Zoe): No, you were right. I was totally out of line... Oh shit. Hide me.
Zoe (to Joseph): What!?! Why?
Joseph (to Zoe): From Jessica... Ever since I agreed to go to the dance with her, she's been terrorizing me with questions. I don't understand why I should fucking care what color her dress is or what kind of flowers she likes.
Zoe (to Joseph): Typical. You're supposed to coordinate your tie with her dress & buy her a corsage. Why on earth did you agree to go with her if you aren't interested in any of that stuff or her?
Joseph (to Zoe): I don't know. When she asked me, your boy was staring at me & it threw me off balance. I didn't realize it was such a big deal. Maybe, I should tell her I changed my mind.
Zoe (to Joseph): Don't you fucking dare! She's had her heart set on going to this dance. It's this Saturday, it's one night of your life... I've been having to listen to her go on about the dance at lunch forever. If you tell her you're not going, it's going be far worse. There's going to be moping, crying & whining. Please, don't make me go through that. It'll be terrible.
Joseph (to Zoe): ... Fine. But, will you help me get whatever stupid shit she's expecting me to do? I'll consider us even, if you do.
Zoe (to Joseph): ... Oh, um, okay.
Joseph (to Zoe): Thanks... I gotta get to class.
Zoe (to Joseph): Yeah... See ya.
A short time later:
Colin (to Zoe): It is you! I wasn't sure at first, because you're wearing blue jeans. :-P
Zoe (to Colin): Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, fuzzball. :-P I need to do laundry. Plus, someone gave me this really noticeable hickey just over my collarbone. And, this shirt only looks good with pants.
Colin (to Zoe): Imagine I'm doing my best Chewie laugh right about now. Someone gave you a hickey? That's awful! Man, it's enough to make a person have to wear a jacket even on a pleasant spring day, isn't it? :-P
Zoe (to Colin): Well, I am just shocked and appalled that someone would do that... How bad is it?
Colin (to Zoe): See for yourself.
Zoe (to Colin): Oooo. I am so sorry. Well, I'm not sorry about how you got it but, I hope it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt, does it?
Colin (to Zoe): It does when you poke it! YEESH! It's a little sore, but alright. How're you doing?
Zoe (to Colin): Heh. I'm fine... Though, I just agreed to help Joseph get spiffy for his date to the dance with Jessica. He said if I help him with it then we're even... Which means, I have to listen to Jessica babble about her dress & all that stuff so I can figure out what he's going to need to get... You know, I'm so glad you're you & that you know this kinda stuff already. I'm quite lucky.
Colin (to Zoe): You can thank my passion for musical theater. I've been listening to girls babble about dress stuff for a while now. And taking notes. To impress the ladies. Lady. You. :-P
Zoe (to Colin): Heehee, well, I'm thankful for it. Do you have any plans after school?
Colin (to Zoe): Nothing interesting. History homework that I will be more than happy to blow off in lieu of your company.
Zoe (to Colin): Excellent! How's your French?
Colin (to Zoe): Mon français est très mal. I said that right, didn't I?
Zoe (to Colin): Oui... Come on, I want to show you Paris on the other side.
Colin (to Zoe): Oh! AWESOME! Oh. Will that be alright? I remember you saying something about it not being a good idea.
Zoe (to Colin): I think it'll be okay. There's a sidewalk café by the Eiffel Tower that I love. Besides, how else am I going to impress you? We may want to raid the wardrobe department before we go.
Colin (to Zoe): Oh my god! That sounds like an OUTSTANDING idea!
Zoe (to Colin): Well, come on, then.
Colin (to Zoe): Yes, ma'am! You are SO cool, you know that? This is so awesome.
Zoe (to Colin): Heh. We haven't even gone anywhere yet... Hold my hand & let's go.
A few hours later, in Marlena's car:
Nathaniel (to Marlena): How far out are we?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Hey there, sleepyhead… According to the GPS about 10 minutes.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Yeah. I thought we were getting fucking close. I'm pretty sure there are some hotels an shit around the university. Dogpatch is about 15 miles to the west. You tired? We can call it a night if you want.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Yeah, let's fucking find a place to stay.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Heh. You aren't gonna get any arguments from me.
A short time later, on the street, Oxford, Mississippi:
Steve Bennett (to Nathaniel): Well, shit the bed! If it isn't little Natey Jones. Your old man finally drag you back to town?
Nathaniel (to Steve): Fuck off and die, Steve.
Steve (to Nathaniel): You got a real smart mouth on you for a scrawny little fucker, you know that?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): I didn't realize you got fuckin' Yetis this far south.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): We don't. We call them swamp-apes down here.
Steve (to Marlena): Honey, don't waste your breath on Nate here. You ain't got nothing he wants. Now me on the other hand...
Marlena (to Steve): Oh, you think you can handle my crazy ass, pendejo... You're going to need a fuckin' priest.
Steve (to Marlena): You aren't making it sound any less enticing. (to Nathaniel) Nate, you know all about needing a priest for sex, right?
Nathaniel (to Steve): You're real fucking funny, Steve. Nice to see you too. (to Marlena) Come on, Mars. I need a change of scenery.
Steve (to Nathaniel & Marlena): See you around, Nate. Bye, Legs! I'll definitely see you later.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Yeah, right behind you. (to Steve) So long, fecha la violación. (to Nathaniel) What!?! Why are you making that face at me? He's a fucking bully. Look, don't worry, some high school football jersey wearing asshole like Prince Charming over there isn't going to scare me.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): I know! It's just that some of these guys are... Shit. Sorry. Sorry... I've got my hackles up. Anyway, fucking Steve's on the fucking football team with my brother. Believe it or not, he's one of the more tolerable ones.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Wait… He's in college!?! Wow… They have low standards here.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): Well, I'm guessing by the Ol' Miss jersey and fucking attitude he is. He was on our football team in high school too. Sorry for that... I told myself I was gonna stay calm and not let these jackasses rile me up, but first jerk I see, and I'm already acting just like I did before I left. Heh. Did you call Steve a date rapist?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Yeah... He has that fucking look about him... What? Am I wrong?
Nathaniel (to Marlena): I'm not sure... I wouldn't fucking be surprised. So, now that you've met some of the local color, wanna get a hotel?
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Fat fucking Christ, can we please? I want to take my boots off, watch some crap television & pass the fuck out.
Nathaniel (to Marlena): God, yeah. That sounds good. There's a hotel that looks alright over there.
Marlena (to Nathaniel): Perfect.
