Hiiri (to Yukiko): Hello. Can I help you with something?
Yukiko (to Hiiri): Oh, yes. Is Poppy around? I'm supposed to have my lesson with her today. I don't think we've met before. I'm Yukiko Kobayashi.
Hiiri (to Yukiko): Oh, I'm uh, Hiiri. Poppy & Vincent stepped out for a walk. I'm sure they'll be back shortly. Would you like some tea?
Yukiko (to Hiiri): Oh... Yes, tea would be nice. Thank you. Is Victor or Nate around, by any chance?
Hiiri (to Yukiko): I'm not sure. I just woke up a little while ago & there was a note on the fridge about the walk.
Yukiko (to Hiiri): Oh well, I should probably go check on Victor. You know, so I don't surprise him... I'll be right back.
Hiiri (to Yukiko): I understand.
A few moments later:
Yukiko (to Victor): Victor? Are you awake?
Victor (to Yukiko): Huh? Oh, oh hey! What time is it? I slept in WAY too late. Still, I can't complain about the nature of the wake up call, can I? You ... Are you OK? What's wrong?
Yukiko (to Victor): It's just now noon. I came for my lesson with your mom, but she's out for a walk with your dad... So I uh met Hiiri. She's not at all what I was expecting after everything that Mars told me about her. She just looks like a regular girl.
Victor (to Yukiko): Oh. Oh, God. That explains it. Yeah. This version is a little different that the one my parents, uh, had to deal with. She's not exactly the monster that I read about either. She said she's trying to be a better person, not some crazy copy.
Yukiko (to Victor): Well, she's currently in the kitchen making me some tea & she's wearing what I can only assume is something of your dad's.
Victor (to Yukiko): What? Really? That is just... I have no idea what to say about that. Alright. Let me get myself dressed. I won't force you to make small talk with Hiiri alone. :-P
Yukiko (to Victor): Heehee. Thank you. It was a little awkward... I guess I should go back to the kitchen while you get dressed.
Victor (to Yukiko): You, uh, you know that you could stay if you want. But only if you promise to close your eyes and behave like a lady. I'm just kidding about the lady bit, you know. God forbid I should *ever* encourage that kind of behavior.
Yukiko (to Victor): Heehee, I probably should go out, anyway. If your parents come back, I don't want them getting the wrong impression. Besides, If I stay here much longer, I'm going to suggest both of us climbing back into bed and going back to sleep.
Victor (to Yukiko): Yes. That would be terrible. Alright. If you insist we be productive today, I'll meet you in the kitchen in a few moments. I promise I'll be quick.
Yukiko (to Victor): Heh. Give me a kiss first for luck.
Victor (to Yukiko): Have two. You might need extra.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen:
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Hey. Is there any coffee left? I am not awake enough for... What the fuck are you wearing?
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): What's wrong with what I'm wearing? I'm completely covered and it was the only thing in the old clothing box that fit me. There should be some coffee left, but there appears to be no more creamer.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Black is fine. I think whole, dark on dark bondage strap look went out like two decades ago.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Hmmm... Well, that would certainly explain the weird looks I got this morning when I went to get breakfast. (to Yukiko) Ah, Miss Kobayashi. Here's your tea. I think it's steaped enough.
Yukiko (to Hiiri & Nathaniel): Oh, thank you. (to Nathaniel) Good morning, Nate.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Heh. Well, if anyone gives you a hard time, tell them it's vintage. That'll shut them the fuck up. (to Yukiko) I figured you were here. I could hear Victor cooing at you in his room.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Good to know. Thank you.
Yukiko (to Nathaniel): I can assure you that Victor doesn't coo at me & even if he did. What does it matter to you? Or are you jealous?
Nathaniel (to Yukiko): Jealous? Trust me. You've got nothing I'm interested in.
Yukiko (to Nathaniel): That isn't what I meant & you know it.
Nathaniel (to Yukiko): Well, I'm not really into the whole "kissing cousins" thing, but thanks for asking.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel & Yukiko): Children, please! While this is all very fascinating to watch. Is it really necessary? You're both pretty.
Yukiko (to Hiiri & Nathaniel): I-- Wait. What!?!
Hiiri (to Nathaniel & Yukiko): Look, it's easy. Nate's jealous of the fact that despite Victor being a huge freak, he has a girlfriend that obviously adores him & that he's in love with. And, you're defending his honor like a good girlfriend.
Victor (to Nathaniel, Yukiko & Hiiri): I must have a talent for picking the absolute strangest time to walk into the kitchen.
Nathaniel (to Yukiko, Hiiri & Victor): Whatever. Since y'all are such HUGE experts on me, I hope you don't mind if I excuse myself. I need a cigarette to air some of the smug out of my clothes.
Yukiko (to Victor): Sorry about that. Nate was being well, Nate.
Victor (to Yukiko): So I saw. He's in a better mood than usual, isn't he?
Yukiko (to Victor): Is he? He just always seems a bit of jerk to me.
Victor (to Yukiko): Oh no. He's always a jerk, but there are levels to his jerkiness. Today the jerk meter seems to be in the red.
Yukiko (to Victor): Hmmm... He told me he could hear you cooing over me, then Hiiri, well, you heard her. She's an odd one.
Victor (to Yukiko): Heh. You mean the part about me being a huge freak with a girlfriend that adores me? I rather liked that last bit. And yes, Hiiri is... Well, she's a hard one to get a bead on, isn't she? I think it's because she's not quite sure who she is, or what she's like herself.
Yukiko (to Victor): That's gotta be weird for her... She actually reminds me a bit of Mars' mom, which shouldn't surprise me but it does. I mean, I know she's not the same Hiiri that did all those awful things, but still.
Victor (to Yukiko): Yeah. It's still all rattling around in there. I think, if she really wants to change, like she says, she will. The more of her own memories she makes, the more it'll push out all those other ones. I mean, I think so.
Yukiko (to Victor): I certainly hope so.
A few moments later:
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Ooooh, can I have one of your cigarettes? Or am I now banished to the pile of people you loathe? ... Actually, I don't care. So, can I?
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Yeah. Fine. Knock yourself right the fuck out.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): You do realize that I can kill you with one finger, right? Heehee, I'm just kidding. I wouldn't do that, but the look on your face is priceless.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Sure. I'm sorry if I annoy you because I'm not cowering before your terror like the rest of the twatwaffles.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): That I guess is what makes you so damn interesting to me, Nate.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): And here I thought it was my good looks and charming personality.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Oh, I agree with the good looking part but, do you have a charming personality? Seems a little off putting, if you ask me. You don't really want people to like you, do you? Or is it, that you don't want to like people because they just turn around and hurt you?
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): You're the expert. You tell me. I can fake it you know. Charming. It's not hard & usually, I'm pretty fucking good at it. Hell, I managed to convince a room full of supposedly smart, well trained doctors that I was on the road to mental well being.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Yes, I'm sure you have the gift of charm. You wouldn't be a Jones if you didn't. But, why aren't you using it now? You've been pretty antagonistic & overly angsty since I've been here. You could have easily schmoozed all of them to love you, but you didn't. I'm just trying to understand why... It's like watching Vincent all over again… I'm sorry I have a bit of a problem with memory overlap sometimes. What was I saying?
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): You wanted to know why I'm acting like a dick when I could be everyone's favorite new son.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Oh right. So, why is that? You don't have to tell me. I mean, really why should you? I'm not anything to you, but seeing as how we're both kinda in the same boat. It might be nice to have an ally.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): I dunno. Part of it's the fact that Aunt Poppy pretty much had my number from the second I walked in the door. It rattled me. I probably shouldn't admit this, cause she's like what? Five nothing? 100 pounds? But she kinda scares the shit out of me. She's all sweet and shit, but I get the impression she'd stab a guy through the eye if she needed to.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): To protect the people she cares about, damn skippy she would. Hell, any member of this family would do the same, I think. That was one of the things the other me could never quite get her mind around. Maybe, it was because she wasn't human. So, she never really knew what caring about something really meant. But, if you're going to be a part of this family. A real part of it, you've got to trust these people. Because, they seem to be able to accomplish miracles more often than not.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Yeah. Well, there's the problem isn't it? As far as I can tell, there aren't a whole lotta people out there worth trusting.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Well then, keep on alienating them because that seems to be working out really well for you.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): What do you want me to say here? "Oh! Great heavens above! I've seen the error of my ways. How could I have been so foolish?" Believe it or not, I'm not TRYING to go out of my way to alienate the world. Roll your eyes some more. I'm NOT. I've got issues. Ones that got nothing to do with our little freakshow club. know that, alright? I'm working on it. So you can't say, "It's alright, little buddy. You can trust these folks" and expect me to be all "Gee whiz. OK!"
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Don't you think I know that, you pompous little brat!?! I'm simply jealous. No matter how awful you act towards them, they will take you in their warm embrace. I, on the other hand, no matter how well-behaved I act will always be kept at arms length. Hell, the only reason that I'm even here is because they want to keep an eye on me. Do you know what it's like to have memories of being loved by a family & to know that you did absolutely horrible things to them? They're all waiting for me to murder them in their sleep or sell them to CLANNG. So, you just continue to feel sorry for yourself & your issues.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Sure. Let's play this fucking game! My dad asked one of the youth pastors at my church to take me under his wing. He said he was "worried" about me. Yeah. Sure. His worry was that I was gay. This guy's definition of counseling me? It involved fucking me. I was 14 when it started, 15 when my parents found out. I was told, in very plain terms, that if I didn't act the way I did, this never would have happened. So after the trial, off I was shipped to a Divine Hope "counseling" camp. I OD-ed, got thrown in a hospital, got thrown in an institution, got thrown in jail a couple of times... So yeah. I get how shitty it is to have someone else tell you who you are. Look, I'm sorry, OK? I'm really fucking sorry for what you're going through. But, don't you DARE give me a hard time, about being fucked up. I've had WAY too many people tell me it's all my fault or twatting on about how I ruined their lives.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): I don't think it's your fault, I think you're just taking it out on the wrong people. But, are you trying to tell me that what you went through is on the same level of what I did? I mean, I tortured my brother in the cell that I was held hostage, killed my tormentor, his minions & the man Poppy loved like a father. I also replaced the original version of me with a clone so that no one would notice that I had moved her five years into the past. I was actually hoping to stop Vincent from being rescued by her, but it didn't work out that way. I imprisoned Marlena in a stasis chamber & basically tormented the original me for years with promises of letting her out. Oh, and I also let my little brother replacement get captured by CLANNG & now he's the person trying to hunt us down. So, yeah. I feel bad for you, but I know you'll get better, eventually... Why am I even bothering!?! I should just get the hell out of here.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Hey. Hey! Hold up. You can't dump that level of crazy on a guy with an already bad grasp of reality and fuck off!
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Hey! Whoa there, slick! You know normally when a guy grabs a girl like that, he wants to kiss her.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Sorry! Sorry! Hands off! I wasn't trying anything! I wouldn't even if I were interested. So. Shit. Yeah. That's... I didn't know any of that. That is... Jesus. It's nuts. It's fucking nuts.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Gee thanks. Way to hurt a girl's feelings.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): What?
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Nothing.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): You, uh, you know I'm gay, right?
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Yeah, I know.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Jesus. You freaked me the fuck out with that. Don't! Don't make that face. It's not because it's YOU. There's nothing wrong with you. And yeah, I mean that. You may think you've done all that horrible shit, & you're the same... uh, whatever, as the original, or latest, or other, or whatever Hiiri, but you're not. You're clearly, CLEARLY not. You said she didn't get people caring for each other, right? Well, you get it. You miss the family you used to have. And clearly you've got compassion rattling around in there somewhere or you wouldn't be bothering with MY stupid ass. And, you wanted a kiss. Seems to me that's loads fucking different. I think you'll be alright too. If you let yourself be.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Heh... And, you wouldn't be messing with me, if you were so irrevocably broken. So, truce?
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): I wasn't trying to mess with you! I was... Fine. Never mind. Truce.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): I meant messing with me, as in talking to me about this stuff, slick. Wrong choice of words. I'm sorry. And, I'm sorry if you thought I wanted you to kiss me. I know you're not into girls. Hell, that's probably why I did it. Cuz, I knew on multiple levels I'd be safe. I mean, I have memories of that sort of thing, but they're not mine.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): You mean it isn't because I'm that irresistible? Heh. Way to hurt a guy's feelings. So go out and find a dude to make out on, and get some memories of your own. You're cute. It won't be hard.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Heh. Way to send mixed messages... I'm kidding. That is easier said than done. I haven't really had time to work on my love life with the whole running from an insane evil organization lead by my former minion... And really, what would I talk about? Hi, my name is Hiiri. I'm a clone of an evil murdering robot... what's your name?
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): You'd be shocked at what teenage boys will overlook if there's even the remotest possibility of sex. Heh. I got a boyfriend despite "Hi, my name's Nate. I'm a schizophrenic former drug addict. Wanna make out?"
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Um... Would you help me? I don't have any idea what to do.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Had. Had a boyfriend. ... Sorry. What was that? You want me to help you get laid?
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Not laid. Just to meet someone. I have no idea how to do any normal teenager stuff. And, Vincent & Poppy might relax a little if I just acted a bit, well, more normal.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): And *I'm* your best hope for that? Sister, you are SCREWED. Heh. Of course, it's not like the rest of the family will be more helpful. Victor'd be all, "Pip, pip, madam. I do believe your bustle is quite fetching."
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): ... "Oh my, I do declare, sir. Your waistcoat is to die for."
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): "Why no! I'm not *gay* why on earth would you think that. I'm going to flounce away in a huff. Good day to you, sir!"
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): HAHA! He does flounce a bit, doesn't he? He gets it from his father.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Fuck yeah, he does. The whole family flounces! Jesus. I was looking for hidden cameras when I first got here. I kept thinking, real people do not act like this. What's the catch? Come on. If we're gonna get you made out on, you need to wear something else. I've got a little bit of cash. We can hit a thrift store in town.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): I have some money. I mean, it's not much... Wait. I thought I was just supposed to tell people it was vintage?
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): It's more the bondage straps. You're only gonna attract a certain kind of guy with those, you know.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): It is? I have so much to learn.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): TRUST ME. I know. Ask me sometime about the bullshit some of my clients used to try to get me to model for them. Oh Jesus. We're going shopping. I think this is the gayest thing I've ever fucking done. And I have had sex with a guy.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): How dare you do something stereotypical! Will it hurt much?
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Heh. It might. It's not like I'm a snarky queer with a troubled past, drug problem, and disapproving family.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Heehee. I think you'll be fine, drama queen.
A few hours later, at Poppy & Vincent's apartment, West Piedmont:
Vincent (to Victor): Explain it to me again.
Victor (to Vincent): Dad! I've already explained it to you about 3 times.
Vincent (to Victor): I know. Humor me.
Victor (to Vincent): Nate took Hiiri to get some clothes, and then he said they were going to try to get her a date.
Vincent (to Victor): Your cousin.
Victor (to Vincent): Yes.
Vincent (to Victor): Took Hiiri, HIIRI clothes shopping.
Victor (to Vincent): Yes!
Vincent (to Victor): And then was going to try to pick up boys. With *Hiiri*.
Victor (to Vincent): YES!
Vincent (to Victor): With Hiiri?
Victor (to Vincent): Oh my god, YES. I am not explaining this to you again!
A short time later:
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Heehee, so explain to me why that guy called me your fag hag... I assume that's not a good thing.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): It's a straight woman who hangs out with gay men either because she has shitty self-esteem, or wants to fuck them. Don't worry about him. He's a total closet case anyway. I can smell my own kind.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Oh... I don't want to fuck you. I mean, what would be the point? You wouldn't enjoy it, I wouldn't enjoy it. There'd probably be tears. I don't do well with tears.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Ha ha ha! Really, I shouldn't be so snarky about it. My only friends in school tended to be women or druggies.
Hiiri (to Victor & Vincent): Good evening, gentlemen. Heehee. We're not late for Nate's curfew, are we?
Victor (to Hiiri): Don't look at me. You two spend the next 20 minutes explaining what you were doing to my dad. I am so done!
Hiiri (to Victor): What's so hard to understand, Mister Belvedere?
Nathaniel (to Victor): Don't worry. Float on back to your room. We'll explain it to Uncle Vincent.
Vincent (to Nathaniel & Hiiri): Alright, frick and frack. That's enough. There's no need to be nasty.
Hiiri (to Vincent): Oh hey, that's a reference I actually get... Sorry.
Nathaniel (to Vincent): Sorry.
Vincent (to Nathaniel & Hiiri): I'm glad you two had a good time. There's two plates in the fridge for you if you haven't eaten.
Hiiri (to Vincent & Nathaniel): Ooooh, food would be good. I seriously think there was something funny in that drink.
Vincent (to Hiiri): Wait, what?! You didn't accept any drinks from someone you didn't know, did you?
Hiiri (to Vincent): Heehee... Define someone I don't know.
Nathaniel (to Vincent): Calm down. She didn't get drugged. I was watching the whole time. (to Hiiri) It's called having a good time.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Oh well, I liked it, slick.
Vincent (to Nathaniel & Hiiri): I... Good God. I have nothing to say. Have a good night. Try not be too loud out here, OK?
Hiiri (to Vincent): We will... Um, thank you for letting me stay here. I should be able to leave tomorrow.
Vincent (to Hiiri): Alright, hun. Whatever you want. You're welcome to stay longer if you need to. Heh. Honestly, right now we probably all need as many allies as we can get. (to Nathaniel & Hiiri) Good night, kids.
Hiiri (to Vincent): Oh, um, I'll think about it. Good night. (to Nathaniel) So, how come you didn't tell him about me flipping that guy to the ground? I bet you would have been rid of me so fast.
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): One: you think that's any weirder than anything anyone in this family has fucking done? Like the second night I was here, Aunt Poppy came home covered in blood. Two: never, EVER tell the parental figures what you got up to when out and about. Three: it was fucking awesome. Besides, who says I'm eager to get rid of you?
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Heh... Oooooh, turned you on, did it? You wish I was a boy, don't you? So, you can get up on all this. :-P
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): First, I don't do short, tiny. I like GUYS, not prancing little nancy boys. Secondly, that may be the strangest thing anyone has ever said to me. And considering the turn my life has taken lately?
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): pffft!
Nathaniel (to Hiiri): Oh. Well stated argument, miss. Quite erudite and astute.
Hiiri (to Nathaniel): Yes, I know I'm quite clever. Thank you for noticing.
