Percy (to Mouse): Oh... Hi there Miss Grumpy Mouse, I didn't see you sitting there.
Wanda (to Mouse): Oh. Hee hee. Sorry, neighbor. You're in a mood. What's with the mood? Is it Eep? Want us to smack him?
Mouse (to Wanda): It's not Eep. I didn't sleep well last night & that creep, Asher was in the bar. I'm sorry I'm just in a mood.
Percy (to Mouse): Did someone move a rock, honey? I thought we had seen the last of that menace.
Wanda (to Mouse): Asher? Wait. Asher, Asher? THAT Asher? Naked Asher? Oh no! Is Eep having a conniption? He's prolly totes having a conniption! You know, if your hubby is being too obnoxious, whiskey usually knocks him right the hell out. You can slip it in his coffee. He drinks it so strong, he usually doesn't notice until after he's taken a big swig.
Mouse (to Wanda): Actually, he's fine. I think Vincent & I are the ones having the problem... (to Percy) Oh crap, I'm sorry Percy, I wasn't thinking.
Percy (to Mouse): Honey, you're babbling. I have no idea what you're apologizing at me for.
Mouse (to Percy): You know you should really explain everything to Wanda before it gets more convoluted. You should probably start with the "evil twin" thing.
Percy (to Wanda & Mouse): And here it was looking like I was going to have a nice relaxing Sunday with my lady... Thanks Mouse.
Wanda (to Percy): What? Ohhh... Did you have a run in with the creep too? Was he the ex you won't talk about?
Percy (to Wanda): Dear god, no! I do have some standards, honey... My ex made out with the creep in some weird torturing self-degrading sort of way.
Wanda (to Percy): Oh? Ohhhhhhh! I get it. Don't worry about it. For serious. Don't let this make you all awkward. You and Vincent had a fling, right? I mean, that's what Mouse is talking about I'm guessing. I think this is all the more reason to go out and have a good time tonight. Wanna help me pick out a dress?
Percy (to Wanda): That sounds faboo, honey. (to Mouse) See! She clearly could care less about all that stuff. Go take your grump elsewhere. Aren't there cookies you could be baking, you little grumpy elf?
Mouse (to Percy): I'm going. Stop glaring at me. Your face might freeze like that... Oh wait...
Wanda (to Percy): Dude. Never invite Short Stack to one of your family reunions.
Percy (to Wanda): Yeah, I'm not even sure I'd actually be invited to one of those to tell you the truth.
Wanda (to Percy): What? How come?
Percy (to Wanda): Mostly, because I look vaguely like Poppy's dead brother, but it could also be because I used to date Vincent. Ummm, this wasn't my first body...
Wanda (to Percy): Oh. Um, kay. Now I AM confused.
Percy (to Wanda): Oh, this is way harder to explain than I thought it would be, honey... Ummm, remember when Poppy first came to town?
Wanda (to Percy): Oh hell yeah, I do. Um. Hee hee. Sorry. I'm not trying to make this weirder. Honest. Yes. I remember.
Percy (to Wanda): I don't know how to tell you this, honey, but well, Poppy doesn't have an evil twin... unless you count me. I was the one you met first... it was part of an experiment in robotics & human interaction. No one was supposed to know I was an automaton... You were the first person to figure it out.
Wanda (to Percy): Oh wow. WOW. That's... That's more than kinda crazy. That's totes batshit!
Percy (to Wanda): And, that is why I was hesitating to tell you.
Wanda (to Percy): Huh... Oh. OH, a whole bunch of stuff started making sense. I'm kinda shocked Vincent didn't kind of, you know, notice.
Percy (to Wanda): I'll totally understand if you don't want to see me anymore, honey... Hell, I wouldn't blame you.
Wanda (to Percy): Well, I'll admit, I'm kinda annoyed you didn't think you could tell me this. I mean, I don't care you used to be a girl!
Percy (to Wanda): Oh, I know you wouldn't care about that part... It was simply because of the specific girl I used to be & then Poppy came here. And then they got all romantically involved with each other, it was just weird.
Wanda (to Percy): Yeah. It was weird for Poppy too. She was pretty upset before they hooked up the whole cause of the whole "evil twin" thing.
Percy (to Wanda): I am sorry I didn't tell you but when I was told about the whole "evil twin" I was kind of relieved that I didn't have to explain.
Wanda (to Percy): Yeah. It's kinda a lot to process. Oh! Oh no! I got so wrapped up with the whole "used to be Poppy" thing I totes forgot! You were the one Vincent broke up with, aren't you? Oh no! And then all this wedding stuff... I'm sorry!
Percy (to Wanda): No, it's okay... I'm glad for them. I mean, yes there is a small part of me that's jealous, but they're really happy. It's good for them both to have a stable relationship & a family. Neither of them had that kind of thing growing up. And, once again, you are full of surprises, pretty lady... I am impressed.
Wanda (to Percy): Awww, that's really sweet of you. And I don't know why you're so surprised. You shoulda seen the kinda weirdos I was raised with. Ask me about Chickenhead Bill sometime. Or Goiter Man.
Percy (to Wanda): Heehee, I just keep forgetting your capacity for handling weird stuff...
Wanda (to Percy): Let's just say, Eep was one of my stable roommates. Stupid communes. Anyhoo, come on. You're helping me get a dress.
Percy (to Wanda): Oh yes, of course, honey.
Wanda (to Percy): I now know for a FACT you've got better taste in ladies' clothing than I do.
Percy (to Wanda): Heehee, it's only because I've seen it from both perspectives, honey.
Wanda (to Percy): And never doubt my capacity for weird shit. Besides, sometimes weird can be fun.
Percy (to Wanda): Yes, I know you think that... I have the court date to prove it. ;-P
Wanda (to Percy): Oh don't pout! All you'll get is community service. Tell me that wasn't worth community service.
Percy (to Wanda): Heehee, it was worth community service... I just didn't like the way some of those swimming creatures looked at us... I had no idea that sharks could look so leery.
Wanda (to Percy): Sharks are like the perverts of the sea. No. Wait. That's dolphins. Maybe captivity makes sharks perverts. Do you think all zoo animals are perverts? It wouldn't surprise me about the monkeys. I'll bet monkeys are sick bastards.
Percy (to Wanda): It's probably revenge... We watch them, so they watch us.
Wanda (to Percy): Huh. Guess it kinda only seems fair when you put it like that.
Percy (to Wanda): Let's go get you a dress... I promise to leer at you like a pervy dolphin. :-P
Wanda (to Percy): Awesome sauce! Let's go. Hey! Can we go to the zoo next time you're in town?
Percy (to Wanda): Do you have a list of all the places you want to get arrested for indecency, honey? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm game. :-P
Wanda (to Percy): Who said I wanted to do anything indecent? ... OK, so yeah. Maybe I wanted to do something indecent.
Percy (to Wanda): Heehee, and for that very reason is why I like spending time with you, honey.
Wanda (to Percy): Yeah. No kidding, cause you're a big ol' pervert.
An hour or so later:
Poppy (to Vincent): Honey, are you okay?
Vincent (to Poppy): Hmmm? I'm sorry, lover. I didn't mean to sleep so late today. You should have pushed me out of bed,
Poppy (to Vincent): Honey, you looked like you needed it, besides Victor & I were having a good Sunday morning all by ourselves.
Vincent (to Poppy): I suppose I did. We had a rough night last night. (to Victor) Hello, Little Man! How's Daddy's favorite mess maker? (to Poppy) What is it you want to ask me, hun? You're giving me that look.
Poppy (to Vincent): Oh... You noticed that, did you? I was just wondering, if you wanted to talk about it? You were in quite a state when you came home and I didn't want to bother you about it, then.
Vincent (to Poppy): Heh. Yes, you're very subtle when you want me to talk about something. I'm alright, hun. It seems it's been a week for that.
Poppy (to Vincent): Well, they do say that when it rains it pours, honey..Is this still about your biological family or is there something new?
Vincent (to Poppy): Good heavens. Truer words have never been spoken. It's someone else. Did Percy ever tell you about Asher, hun?
Poppy (to Vincent): No, I don't believe so...Oh wait. Is this the person who everyone refers to as the Creep? I think he may have mentioned something about the creep being someone to watch out for.
Vincent (to Poppy): He was a classmate of Eep's back when they were in college together. They starred in some kind of questionable film together. That was the one that was later marketed as a porno. Eep was a bit of a mess at the time, and Asher took advantage of him. He's one of the most manipulative people I've ever met, and when you consider my family and line of work, that's saying a lot.
Poppy (to Vincent): Oh... He wouldn't happen to be the gentleman you hooked up with before, honey?
Vincent (to Poppy): I'm afraid so, hun.
Poppy (to Vincent): Hmmm... Well, that certainly explains your mood. Thank you for telling me... Now, how about we go do something fun? I heard a rumor that three tall ships are coming up the river to go to some museum in East Piedmont. It might be fun to have a picnic and look out for them.
Vincent (to Poppy): That sounds wonderful, lover. I'm sorry I was in such a state. I've made my share of mistakes, and that man is a big one. Thank heavens I've made some much better choices recently. I just hope Lulu was mistaken, and he wasn't having a meeting with Sasha about the club.
Poppy (to Vincent): Ewww, that would be terrible.
Vincent (to Poppy): Wouldn't it? I know I would quit. Eep and Mouse most likely as well. I had to keep my sister from throttling him last night.
Poppy (to Vincent): I can't say I would blame her. I mean, yes you did something stupid with the Creep, but poor Eep had it caught on film. I probably would have tried to do the same if I was in her shoes.
Vincent (to Poppy): I don't blame her either. The film wasn't the worst of what the creep did to Eep. They lived together for over half a year after he was kicked out of school. The film isn't the worst of what he did. It was just the most public.
Poppy (to Vincent): No wonder, he's so foul-tempered & distrustful.
Vincent (to Poppy): I wish I could say otherwise, but he has his reasons. I've got the little man all bundled up and ready for a road trip. We would have been done earlier, but our little terror here spit up on his first two onesies. (to Victor) Didn't you, Mini Man? Yes!
Poppy (to Vincent): Heehee, yes he seems to do that a lot... Honey, come here for a second... There. I just thought you deserved a kiss.
Vincent (to Poppy): Oh? Well, I'm certainly not going to argue with that. What was that for, hun?
Poppy (to Vincent): For torturing yourself over that creep... and, simply because I love you.
Vincent (to Poppy): Mmm. Heh. That's reason enough. I love you too.
A few hours later:
Eep (to Mouse): Hey. You look like you're in a better mood.
Mouse (to Eep): Yes I am.... Sasha called, Asher was meeting with him about using the club exterior for a film... Apparently, the production company is trying to do a non-porn to improve their reputation. He said no.
Eep (to Mouse): What? Oh, those sons of... Tell me it's coincidence that they just HAPPEN to wanna use the exterior of someplace I work. Fuckers. I'm glad Sasha told them no.
Mouse (to Eep): I wouldn't be surprised if they did it on purpose... And I believe Sasha's exact words were 'Holy Fuck no!'
Eep (to Mouse): Heh. Well, good. I'm a little surprised he didn't try to come outside & fuck with me. If he had, I think I'd have punched him.
Mouse (to Eep): I think he may had his hands full watching Vincent, Delia & Lulu preventing me from killing him. All the while making sure that Vincent didn't go near him... It was like a psychotic ballet.
Eep (to Mouse): Heh, heh. Christ... I never thought I'd be happy to be outside in the humidity.
Mouse (to Eep): I just wanted 10 minutes alone with him... I wasn't going to actually kill him... just make him wish he was dead. I'm kidding... Well, mostly kidding.
Eep (to Mouse): Heh. No you're not. Christ... I'm not gonna pretend I don't kinda want to see that.
Mouse (to Eep): Hehe... You're such a boy, sometimes. :-P
Eep (to Mouse): Heh. Yeah. Funny how that works, isn't it?
Mouse (to Eep): I'm not complaining... I generally like my husbands to be male. :-P
Eep (to Mouse): Heh. Had a problem with that in the past?
Mouse (to Eep): Only once before... :-P
Eep (to Mouse): As long as it's only the once.
Mouse (to Eep): Heehee... So, what have you been working on in here all day? I thought you were painting, but it looks like you haven't picked up a brush or touched a canvas.
Eep (to Mouse): Most of it's been trying to figure out what to title this shit, and how much to charge for it. I mean, what do I title this one? "Fucked if I Know?" I didn't really have a theme or anything in mind when I started.
Mouse (to Eep): Why not? Or what about "Stop Staring"? You could always just name them Untitled # something.
Eep (to Mouse): Heh. I'll give them all non sequitur names. I can name this one "Fish" and that one "Rubber Orange." I'll say it's a nod to dadaism. Or some other bullshit answer.
Mouse (to Eep): I like it... That one you should name "Because". I'm sure Robert would be willing to help you with your artist statement if you asked him.
Eep (to Mouse): Heh. Yeah. That's not a bad idea. Let's get some dinner.
Mouse (to Eep): Sounds good to me.
Eep (to Mouse): Yeah, I've been trapped down here with these stupid canvases too long.
Mouse (to Eep): Heehee, that's what you should name your show... "Trapped".
Eep (to Mouse): Right. Show. Jesus... What the hell did I get myself involved in?
Mouse (to Eep): Heh... You wanted to get those paintings out of the house... Just think of it as a classy yard sale.
Eep (to Mouse): Yeah. OK. Classy yard sale.
Mouse (to Eep): You'll do fine, Felix. And, I'll be right there giving you moral support & keeping your cigarette supply within easy reach. :-)
Eep (to Mouse): Thank you by the way. I know I've been kinda weird about all this shit. I'm nervous. It'll be fine.
Mouse (to Eep): Hush you... You've been just fine. No weirder than normal. And you're allowed to be nervous, it's important to you... whether you want to admit or not... And, I'm going to bask in the glory of being the wife of an artist. Oh, we're going to have to move to NYC and become a pretentious artsy couple... Well, at least we already have a lot of black. :-P
Eep (to Mouse): Oh God... I paint. You DJ. We ARE a pretentious art couple.
Mouse (to Eep): Heehee... Oh god, we are. Well, see you have nothing to worry about then... because we're already a stereotype. :-P
Eep (to Mouse): Heh. Yeah. Well, why stop with only the goth couple stereotype?
Mouse (to Eep): Wait... Do we get something if we have more? If we have more, won't that make us atypical?
Eep (to Mouse): I think we get points that we can turn in for in for a beer cozy or a cooler or something.
Mouse (to Eep): Hmmm, a beer cozy would be nice.
Eep (to Mouse): Ha ha! It's got an ankh on one side and "irony" written on the other. Christ. Do you know how many of those cozies we had in our house? My dad drank a lot of shit beer.
Mouse (to Eep): Heehee, we could probably just take one of his then, he probably won't notice.
Eep (to Mouse): Sure. I'll stock us up on Bud Lite cozies when I see him next.
Mouse (to Eep): Ok then... Food's ready.
Eep (to Mouse): OK, cool. I'm starving.
