At Renfield's; West Piedmont:
Nathaniel (to Oliver): Here's the last of the scones. Brownies'll be out in about 10. You need anything else?
Oliver (to Nathaniel): No, according to my calculations, that should last us through today. You seem at ease in the kitchen again, Nate.
Nathaniel (to Oliver): Do I? Oh... Yeah. I guess I'm more or less back up to speed. I'll be back with the brownies.
In the kitchen:
River: OW! Shit! ... Stupid fucking biscuits.
Nathaniel (to River): You alright?
River (to Nathaniel): Oh yeah. Just fucking burned myself.
Nathaniel (to River): Ooo. Shit. You got yourself good. I can finish the biscuits if you want.
River (to Nathaniel): Cool, thanks. I'll go put some aloe on this… Are you sure you've got it?
Nathaniel (to River): YES. Go fix your damn hand. The biscuits were the one damn thing I wasn't fucking up for weeks on end, remember?
River (to Nathaniel): Yeah, yeah. Calm down. I've got cookies for a pickup order, if you want to give it a try. Order's on the fridge.
Nathaniel (to River): Sure. Why the shit not? Can't be any worse than my last attempt, right? Don't fucking answer that.
River (to Nathaniel): I'm not saying a word.
Nathaniel (to River): Thank you.
A short time later, in the café:
Joseph (to Oliver): Hey, Oliver. Can I get an iced Red Eye with a shot of Vanilla?
Oliver (to Joseph): Of course. Is that for here or to go?
Joseph (to Oliver): Oh, uh, for here, I guess.
Oliver (to Joseph): Coming right up.
Nathaniel (to Oliver): Brownies! (to Joseph) Hey, Joe! Whaddya know?
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Oh, um, lots of things. You back to working here? I thought you were off doing-- uh, something else.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): I'm doing both. I still got bills that need paying. Plus, it's not like I'm gonna get 'em fucking mixed up.
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Oh yeah. That's probably true.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Heh. My brains aren't THAT scrambled. "Why was I following this guy in a seedy bar? Was it... Was it to bake him cookies?" Speaking of which... I gotta get back to it. ... You alright?
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Heh. Yeah, I'm fine… I just got some thinking' to do. My mom got a job offer in California & since I'm done with school. I need to figure out if I want to go with her or stay here with Dad until I go off to college. Not sure how I feel about it.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Oh. Well, shit, dude. Wish I knew what to tell you about that. I'm not exactly the poster boy for family relations, you know?
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Yeah, and then there's Persephone to consider. I mean, I know we just started dating but I really like her & well, you know.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Yeah, but that... Wait. Hold that fucking thought. I gotta grab the cookies outta the oven.
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Okay.
A moment later, in the kitchen:
Nathaniel: Heh. Fuck you, cookies. You smell fucking delicious. I baked the fucking SHIT outta you bastards! (to River) Cookie order's done. I was gonna grab lunch. You alright?
River (to Nathaniel): Yeah, I'm good. I got my hand taken care of. I'll get started on the cleaning up in here while you're eating. Supposedly, Mars is going to be making me something to eat when I get over to her place… Yeah, I'm fucking scared, too. :-P
Nathaniel (to River): Heh. I shouldn't laugh. I made Aiden eat some real fucking abominations.
River (to Nathaniel): Heh. I'm just kiddin', anyway. Mars can cook when she bothers, she just normally doesn't. But, since Victor has gone off somewhere for the summer, she wanted to do something nice.
Nathaniel (to River): Heh. Oh yeah? I'll be quick then so you can get outta here,
River (to Nathaniel): Thanks, man.
A minute later, in the café:
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Hey. You mind walking with me? I'm wanna grab lunch.
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Sure. I should probably eat something.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Cool. River wants to get done early so he and Mars... Wow. I know people with some fucked up names. Anyway. Have you been using the portal at the Inn to get over to Britannia this whole time?
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Uh yeah. Zoe said it's the easiest way since I just found out I could skip. She said I may be able to jump from anywhere but her dad can't do it, so she said I might always need an actual stable gateway… If that makes any fucking sense.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Yep. Makes total sense. You ever tried to open a portal?
Joseph (to Nathaniel): No. Zoe said she'd show me this summer if I wanted to learn.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): You should. It's a handy fucking trick to have. If you can do it, won't matter if you're in fucking Cali or not.
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Oh well, that would be awesome.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Heh. Make dating Seph a hell of a lot easier, too. Not that I guess it matters. The whole "alternate dimension" thing didn't stop my aunt and uncle, or me and Aiden, from hooking up. That was before I knew how to open portals and shit.
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Well, that makes part of my decision easier. I'll see if Dad can let me stay at his place for the summer so I can learn how to do all that, if I can… So, how's the double life treating you? You doing okay?
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Besides ending up naked in my boyfriend's bed with Victor's girl, you mean? Ha ha ha! You shoulda seen your face!
Joseph (to Nathaniel): … I think I may have swallowed my tongue… You were naked in bed with Yuki? How did Aiden & Victor take that?
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Yeah. There was A LOT of alcohol involved. Not surprisingly, Aiden was fine with it. Apparently, that isn't the first time one of his coworkers as ended up drunk and in some state of undress in his bed. Heh. He had kinda a reputation as safe... Victor was less than amused, but he didn't pitch a fit or anything.
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Well, that's good.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Heh. I think seeing me naked was more traumatizing than anything that happened. I mean, seriously... What was I gonna try? Why do you ask how I'm doing?
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Cuz you been all edgy for weeks & now today, you seem really relaxed. You can tell me to fuck off and mind my own fucking business, if you want… But, I just thought I'd return the favor since you listened to me about my troubles.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Huh. Guess I am a little more relaxed. I didn't fuck up the baking today... Heh. Man, you wouldn't believe me if I told you about the weirdo shit that's been going on.
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Heh. If you don't want to tell me, that's fine.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): ... That's what you think, huh? In addition to fucking over reality, some skippers, like my cousins, can fuck over time. Hiiri, a crazy fucking automaton based on Mars's mom, and imprinted with a fucking psycho version of her personality, traveled back in time and killed my aunt and uncle. She grabbed me outta a psyche ward and spent three or four fucking years grooming me to be her next little psycho pet. Zoe and I were skipping at the time, so she remembered. We went back in time, and stopped her. Cause we changed the timelines, we both remember both fucking realities. I've had like a split personality version of myself living in my head for the past few fucking weeks.
Joseph (to Nathaniel): … Wow.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Yeah. That's why I couldn't remember how to bake anything.
Joseph (to Nathaniel): So, are you back to normal, then? I mean, since you're baking again.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): It's not like I can go "back" to being that other guy, you know. All that shit that I did-- even though I didn't actually do it in this fucking reality doesn't mean I don't remember it. It, uh, It's just not as strong anymore. Still in there, though.
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Wow. It's like the way my Grandfather describes going on a Spirit Walk. You sometimes see alternate versions of yourself... Of course, knowing that there really is an alternate reality, maybe that's all he was ever seeing.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Maybe. Maybe fucking not. Who knows. Anyway, if you're a skipper, there aren't any other versions of you out there.
Joseph (to Nathaniel): Heh. Well, that's good to know. I don't think I could handle rounding a corner & meeting myself.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Heh. It's just as weird running into someone else you know. I met the Aiden here... No. Wait. I didn't.
Joseph (to Nathaniel): I can see what you mean… Listen, I should probably get home. Thanks for inviting me to lunch.
Nathaniel (to Joseph): Yeah. No problem. I need to get back and give River a hand. Later!
Joseph (to Nathaniel): See ya!
A short time later, in the kitchen, at Renfield's; West Piedmont:
Nathaniel (to River): Alright. What needs doing?
River (to Nathaniel): Mostly just the mopping up & making the shopping list for Emma.
Nathaniel (to River): I'll get the mopping done if you wanna make the list.
River (to Nathaniel): Sounds good. Did you have a good lunch?
Nathaniel (to River): Yeah. Joseph needed someone to listen to him ramble a little bit...
River (to Nathaniel): And, he picked you? That kid MUST have been desperate. :-P
Nathaniel (to River): Heh. Yeah. No shit.
A little while later, in the café; West Piedmont:
Zoe: Can't a girl get any service around here? Are you guys having a party back here or something? :-P
River (to Zoe): Hey Zoe… Has anyone ever told you that you look a lot like your Aunt Emma? I mean, it's uncanny.
Zoe (to River): Nope. You are the first…
Nathaniel (to River & Zoe): Yeah. Good looks run in the family. I got her. Go ahead home.
River (to Zoe): And now, you're making the very same face she makes when she wants my head to explode. (to Nathaniel) Thanks, Nate.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): Are you done for the day?
River (to Zoe & Nathaniel): I'm sorry if I hit a nerve, Zoe… I'll see you guys later.
Nathaniel (to River): Later, Dean! (to Zoe) I'm done. You want anything before I go?
Zoe (to River): See ya. (to Nathaniel) Yeah, can I get a double iced mint mocha? Got any plans?
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Not 'til Aiden gets home. I'm not playing spy games tonight. Why? Whaddya need?
Zoe (to Nathaniel): A place to hide for a few hours. The baby & the parentals are driving me crazy… They're talking about going to Britannia for the summer, which means I'll have to go with them, which means I won't see Colin… which is honestly not such a bad thing. Which makes me feel guilty and… Can I crash with you for the day? I promise I won't get in your way.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Oh. Uh, yeah. If you want. Why don't you wanna see Colin? I thought you were all shades of fucking gooey over him.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): I was… I mean, I am… He's just soooo normal and perfect. I keep waiting for him to reveal some deep, dark secret but there aren't any. He's all sweet, sunshine & rainbows like candy floss. I feel like such a freak next to him. He's gonna get tired of the craziness, eventually… And, normalcy is so boring. I'm a fickle asshole, aren't I?
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Was, huh? Heh. No, I hate to tell you this, but I think that's kinda how normal dating works. Heh. Trust someone in this fucking family not to be able to cope with someone too well-fucking-adjusted...
Zoe (to Nathaniel): I know I feel like such a jackass. I was so upset when I saw him dating Ophelia, but it makes way more sense the more I think about it… I know this is just normal teenager stuff.
Oliver (to Zoe & Nathaniel): Have a nice evening. Tell Aiden I said hello.
Zoe (to Oliver): Bye, Oliver!
Nathaniel (to Zoe): He is always fucking there... I wonder if he ever gets sick of it. Anyway, do you want a break from Mr. Perfect because you're bored, or because you think it's only a matter of time before he dumps your weirdo ass?
Zoe (to Nathaniel): A little column A, a little column B.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Well, shit. I don't know what to tell you, runt. If you're bored, better to break up with him now rather than drag it out.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): I know. That's why I was thinking sometime in Britannia would be good. And then, when I get back, maybe he'll break up with me and then, I won't have to hurt his feelings… I've never broken up with someone before.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Or he could spend all summer looking forward to seeing you. I hate to say it, but it's probably gonna be messy no matter what. Sorry. I dunno what to tell you. I've never had to dump anyone either. Dodge a few people, yes, but not dump them.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): I know… The sad thing is that I really do love him and I don't want to hurt him.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): I know you don't. Sorry, Shorty. This sucks. Come on. Let's get something cheap and fatty to eat and put something shitty on the TV.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): Thanks…
A short time later, at Nathaniel & Aiden's apartment; West Piedmont:
Zoe (to Nathaniel): How's everything going with you and Aiden? Still feeling all fucked in the head?
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Yeah. Like a fucking French whore. It's been a little better lately. Aiden's been sparring with me to keep me from being too keyed up. I'm starting to remember how to do stuff in the kitchen, and other shit...
Zoe (to Nathaniel): That's great! You don't seem all that happy about it.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Yeah. Most of it's fine, but they're not all good memories, are they? But, hey! At least now I don't have to feel like a dick for not seeing my family for like four years, right?
Zoe (to Nathaniel): … Well, on the plus side, you're not in an asylum & Aiden's not on the run. So, there's that. Yay?
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Heh. Yeah. Old ladies trying to give me liver failure aside, I made out the best in this timeline. Even if I am kinda nuts.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): Only kinda? … OW! Don't punch me, you dick! I'm a delicate flower. I bruise like a fruit.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): I didn't hit you that hard, jackass! Don't be such a wuss. Holy shit! You weren't kidding. Are you getting a welt already?
Zoe (to Nathaniel): Yes… I should warn Aiden that you're an abusive asshole… Though, he can probably take care of himself. How unfair is it that almost every member of my family knows how to fight except me? I mean, so not cool.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Get your mom and dad to show you. Aunt Poppy could probably take us all out.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): Maybe, I will.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Heh. What? Was that a threat? What? You gonna beat me up?
Zoe (to Nathaniel): Heh. I doubt you're really that afraid of me.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): You kidding? I'm fucking terrified. Whaddya want for dinner? Pizza? Chicken?
Zoe (to Nathaniel): Fried Chicken! Ooooo, with mashed potatoes and gravy! And, biscuits.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Heh. I knew you were my favorite cousin for a reason. Wonder if I should make some collards to go with that. Don't pull a fucking face. You don't gotta eat them.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): That's good, cuz I don't like 'em. So, I'm totally going to ask you a weird question... What do you think of Yuki? I mean, honestly. I remember Yoyo & she was sweet, still a bad ass but like a kitten, cute but will scratch your eyes out… Yuki seems a bit dangerous to me. Do you think Victor is going to be okay with her? I mean, she's got a price on her head and...
Nathaniel (to Zoe): He'll be fine. Yuki is... Well, you're right. She's fucking dangerous. I wouldn't wanna be on her bad side. But--honestly--she's no fucking worse than I am. Or your parents for that fucking matter. This family's like a depository for unsavories. Or have you not noticed that? :-P Besides, she digs your brother. I don't think she'll let anything happen to him.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): If you say so… It's just, well, she used to be nicer to me & now, she acts like I'm an inconvenience or a pest. I guess it's the price I pay for messing with everything. I'll get over-- Oh crap, it looks like Colin is calling me. What should I do? Do I just let it go to voicemail or answer it? What should I say!?!
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Let it go to voicemail. You're with family.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): Awwww, I am, aren't I? Watch it there, Nate, or you might actually look happy about it. :-P
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Fucking blow me, dick. :-p
Zoe (to Nathaniel): I love you, too. :-P (to Aiden & Nathaniel) Oops. Daddy's home. :-P
Aiden (to Nathaniel & Zoe): Am I interrupting some sort of strange family ritual? Why on earth is there flour all over the kitchen?
Nathaniel (to Zoe): How did you know I call him daddy? (to Aiden) We're making fried chicken.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): Lucky guess.
Aiden (to Nathaniel & Zoe): … I shall be in the living room staying out of harm's way. It's nice to see you cooking again. (to Zoe) And, it's nice to see you, Miss Zoe. You're looking very lovely. Did you change your hair?
Nathaniel (to Aiden): Heh. Wait until I actually manage to make this shit without burning it to say that. (to Zoe) You did? (to Aiden) Kiss ass.
Zoe (to Aiden): Oh, I did! Thank you for noticing. (to Nathaniel) Yeah. I shaved my hair into a chelsea. Didn't you notice the lack of hair? … And, you call yourself a gay boy. Sheesh.
Aiden (to Nathaniel): Yes, it's true. I am a kiss ass when it comes to Zoe. I'm surprised you've only noticed now. (to Zoe) Nate's had a lot on his mind. None the less, it's quite fetching on you.
Zoe (to Aiden & Nathaniel): Heehee. Thank you, Aiden.
Nathaniel (to Aiden & Zoe): You ARE a fucking kiss ass. Heh. Give me a kiss before you hide in the other room.
Aiden (to Nathaniel): Of course. I thought you would never ask.
Zoe (to Aiden & Nathaniel): Heehee... You should sell tickets.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Heh. Yeah. Yeah.
A few minutes later:
Zoe (to Aiden): Scoot over, your lordship! Your royal butt isn't that big. You don't need to take up the whole couch.
Aiden (to Zoe): Charming… So, how long do you plan on staying here, Miss Zoe? Or are you taking up permanent residence?
Zoe (to Aiden): Hmmmm, that will depend on many, many factors… which I have not thought of, just yet. Actually, I was hoping to just spend the night. If that's alright with you both?
Aiden (to Zoe): I don't mind. I know Nate likes having you around. Of course, don't tell him I told you. :-)
Zoe (to Aiden): My lips are sealed. :-D
An hour or so later:
Nathaniel (to Zoe & Aiden): So, are you two fucking hungry, or what? Cause I made the shit outta some fried-ass chicken.
Aiden (to Nathaniel): We're coming.
Zoe (to Nathaniel & Aiden): Fried-ass chicken? Is that like some weird donkey-chicken hybrid? :-p
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Yes. We fry all meat in fucking donkey fat in the south. Didn't you know that?
Zoe (to Nathaniel & Aiden): I had no idea but it smells delicious.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Heh. Sit your ass down and get some grub, Runt. (to Zoe & Aiden) Anyone want anything to drink?
Zoe (to Nathaniel): Yes, sir! Can I have a beer?
Aiden (to Zoe): No, you cannot. Your parents would kill us.
Zoe (to Aiden & Nathaniel): Pleeeeeaaasssse?
Nathaniel (to Aiden): Awww gee, Daddy. Can't she have a sip of mine?
Aiden (to Zoe & Nathaniel): Fine. It's on both of your heads.
Nathaniel (to Aiden & Zoe): Wait. Did that Daddy shit really just work on you?
Aiden (to Nathaniel): Not at all, so don't get any ideas.
Zoe (to Aiden): Heehee. (to Nathaniel) It totally worked.
Nathaniel (to Zoe): ... I think it totally fucking did. (to Aiden) Come on, man. We're a couple. If calling you shit like "Big Daddy" is part of some kinda kink for you, I should know that. :-P (to Zoe) Is he fucking blushing?
Aiden (to Nathaniel): Please, don't ever call me that again.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): I don't know. Is blushing another name for irritated?
Nathaniel (to Aiden): ... Sorry. I was just kidding, you know.
Aiden (to Nathaniel): I know. I just wanted to be sure.
Nathaniel (to Aiden): Oh. So you're not mad? (to Zoe) Quit your fucking grinning!
