Vincent: Good gracious. I don't think the Captain of the Imperial Guard likes me very much. Too bad. Under normal circumstances, I love a man in uniform.
Percy (to Vincent): Why do you think that? Has he met you?
Vincent (to Percy): I first got the impression when he told me that if it were up to him, I'd be in the dungeons by now. :-P I first met him yesterday. Then this morning, he helped me deal with the bodies of Smythe's henchmen over at the Saloon. They weren't good people, they weren't even approximations of good people... But I didn't think it was right to leave them there like that.
Percy (to Vincent): Honey, you should have gotten me, I would have helped you with that...
Vincent (to Percy): It's alright, hun. I didn't want to ask you ,or anyone else have to deal with it. And now that the gruesome deed is done... I hope to never, EVER have to do anything like that again in my entire life. I don't think I won any points with the el Capitan when I had to go into the hallway to retch. Twice.
Percy (to Vincent): See, honey, that's why you should have brought me... It wouldn't have phased me. Plus, you know how much pleasure I get out of annoying uptight authoritarians, honey.
Vincent (to Percy): That is very true. Next time I have need to annoy Mr. Upright & Proper, I'll be sure to come and fetch you.
Percy (to Vincent): I'll make sure to wear a sailor suit, honey. :-)
Vincent (to Percy): Well now... A promise like that is a SURE way to get an invite.
A couple hours later:
Mouse: Wow, there is nothing better than a run on the parapet of an old monastery & then followed up by a sparring session. I feel more at peace than I have in weeks. Thanks Ripper, for the match... Oh, and that's what you get for making that girl comment, though.
Ripper (to Mouse): Yeah, I sadly figured that out a little too late. You clocked me good. :-P (to Eep) Your girlfriend has a mean left hook... Did you show her how to box like that?
Mouse (to Ripper): I'm sorry, but you deserved it after the 'let me show you how it's done, little lady' attitude. Silly man.
Eep (to Ripper): Ha ha ha! What? No! No. Not even a little. She got you good, huh?
Ripper (to Eep): Yeah, I think I saw stars... I'm probably going to have a bruise. That is the last time, I tell her to give me her best shot.
Eep (to Ripper): How do you think Vincent ended up with a black eye? Uh, the first time, that is.
Ripper (to Eep): I feel a bit foolish, I thought she wanted me to show her how... I didn't realize she was going to school me. :-P
Eep (to Ripper): Heh. Yeah, no. She's been training with Otto for months, and she and Vincent have been doing weapons shit since she got back.
Ripper (to Eep): Well no offense to Vincent, but I've been boxing since I was a kid, my Dad taught me... but, I gotta admit I got a bit cocky. I think I'll be better prepared next time, now that I know she actually can fight... And, I know nothing about fighting with weapons... my Dad wanted me to know how to box, his logic was you always have your hands.
Eep (to Ripper): Heh. Yeah, sure. Or you just don't like getting beat by an adorable girl. :p
Ripper (to Eep): Well, yes... maybe a little... Wow. Now, I sound like a macho asshole.
Eep (to Ripper): Hey, you're braver than I am. I wouldn't wanna get in a fight with either of them. Tiny people have more to prove.
Ripper (to Eep): Now I understand why no one else volunteered when she asked for a sparring partner. I thought it odd that everyone else was suddenly very busy. I'm going to go find the kitchen & see if I can get some ice for my jaw. Maybe, if I'm lucky it'll only turn a little purple.
Eep (to Ripper): Ha ha ha! Yeah, we all know better. Heh. Good luck. Don't feel too bad about getting beat, by the way. Mouse had... Um. She had some rough months here. She kinda had to learn to adapt, you know?
Ripper (to Eep): Oh... Well, then she can beat me up some more if it helps. :-)
Eep (to Ripper): Having someone to spar w/ would probably help. She doesn't like throwing punches at Vincent, and with me... uhhhh. Yeah. No. It, uh, doesn't really work out too good. Plus, I'm kinda out of my league.
Ripper (to Mouse): I humbly submit to your superior skills... but I'm willing to have a rematch. Tomorrow, same time? (to Eep) Well, it looks like she's already agreed to a rematch, so if you want to watch her beat the snot out of me tomorrow, you're more than welcome to watch & I can show you some stuff if you'd like.
Mouse (to Ripper): Sure, sounds good... Are you going to be all whiny if I win again, pretty boy? :-)
Eep (to Ripper): Oh. Yeah. That's probably a good idea. Heh. I'd like to avoid needing to be rescued again.
Ripper (to Mouse): Really, pretty boy? You cut me to the quick, madam...
An hour or so later:
Percy (to Mouse & Eep): So, is it safe to check on you both or am I going to get told to fuck off again?
Mouse (to Percy): Yeah, I'm fine... I just woke up from a nap.
Eep (to Percy): Yeah. I'm still not apologizing for that. What do you want, Poppy?
Percy (to Eep): I just wanted to make sure you & Mouse were doing okay, that's all.
Eep (to Percy): Oh. Uh, thanks. We're hanging in there.
Percy (to Eep): That's good... See, that wasn't so terrible?
Eep (to Percy): Yes. Maybe.
Delia (to Vincent): So… not that its not cool here. It is. But... what's the plan for trying to get home?
Vincent (to Delia): Hopefully, soon. We have to find a portal back home that's working properly. Hiiri, the Evil Mouse, has been fucking with the crossover points.
Delia (to Vincent): Yeesh. Soo, what you're saying is we could be here a while then.
Vincent (to Delia): Good gracious, I hope not. We'll ALL end up fired. You, Leon, Mouse and Eep will get pulled back to our reality sooner or later. Ripper and I are the ones who will get stuck if we don't find a working portal.
Vincent (to Ripper): Oh good heavens! What happened to you, Professor? No. Wait. Let me guess. Mouse talked you into sparring with her.
Ripper (to Vincent): Is it that obvious? Or is it just because I've got a towel with ice on my jaw?
Vincent (to Ripper): Hee hee. Well, the towel and ice WERE a big clue. Plus, it looks like you've got a little bit of swelling going on there.
Ripper (to Vincent): As I was telling Eep, I don't mind getting beat up, but it would have been nice to know that she knew what she was doing. You know, a verbal warning or a shaking of the head... All I got was Percy giggling & then excusing himself.
Vincent (to Ripper): Oh dear. You were thrown to the wolves. Or, the Mouse as it were. Want me to look at your jaw? I know a bit of first aid.
Ripper (to Vincent): Oh uh, I'm sure it's okay... just a little swollen. No need to trouble yourself.
Vincent (to Ripper): Oh, don't be a baby! I won't hurt you. Believe it or not, I know what I'm doing. I relocated my own shoulder, after all… Ooch! She clocked you soundly, didn't she. I warned you she was the violent one, didn't I? It looks fine, though. The ice should bring the swelling down.
Ripper (to Vincent): Yeah, you did warn me... Thanks...
Vincent (to Ripper): It wasn't a problem. Thank you again for helping us get an audience with Her Highness. I can't even pretend I have the foggiest idea on how to deal with Hiiri. She's more than slightly terrifying.
Ripper (to Vincent): Yeah, I can't imagine what it's like to see a darker version of someone you care about wandering around being evil and, I'm glad I could be useful & get the meeting with the Empress for you.
Vincent (to Ripper): The expression I would use is that it's a total mind fuck. I can't even imagine how bad it is for Mouse. I just wish I knew what to do with myself in the meantime. I'd try to get some sleep, but I don't know if I can after this morning.
Ripper (to Vincent): Oh uh, what did you do this morning?
Vincent (to Ripper): The Captain of the Imperial Guard and I went to the Saloon to get the bodies of Smythe's henchmen. It... It wasn't pleasant.
Ripper (to Vincent): God, that doesn't sound fun at all... I think I still have some rum left, if you're interested?
Vincent (to Ripper): It wasn't. I didn't want anyone else to have to deal with it. Especially not my sister. She didn't need to see that again. And I think a glass of rum might be amazing. Thank you, Professor.
Ripper (to Vincent): I'll uh, go grab it...
Delia (to Ripper): So I saw your shiny new bruise. Who'd you get in a tussle with?
Ripper (to Delia): I was sparring with Mouse & she's got a mean left hook.
Percy: Good news, everybody! It looks like our host has figured out how to stabilize the portals. So, we should be able go home, shortly.
Vincent (to Percy): Thank goodness. Are you heading back with us, hun? Or are you staying here?
Percy (to Vincent): I want to go back, but I don't know if I should, as I might be stuck in this body...
Vincent (to Percy): Well, I certainly can understand why you would want to stay here, hun.
A couple hours later:
Vincent (to Ripper): So, is there enough rum in your system for you to tell me why you're upset with me yet? :-P
Ripper (to Vincent): Oh uh, I'm not upset with you.
Vincent (to Ripper): Really? You seemed... Actually, forget it. Don't mind me. I'm not quite myself.
Ripper (to Vincent): I have to admit I feel a little awkward finding out that you're the person I based my character on and that I wrote a lot of steamy scenes with that character. It's well, it's a little unnerving.
Vincent (to Ripper): Oh! Hee hee. Well, I won't pretend that it isn't more than slightly awkward to find yourself the subject of a raunchy tale... But it's not as though the character is actually ME. I certainly never had an illicit liaison with a prince. :-P But, it's not as though you were writing them about Vincent Potter.
Ripper (to Vincent): Well, I know that, it's just I would never have based the character on someone that I actually knew... I guess I just feel slightly embarrassed.
Vincent (to Ripper): Well, you should. Those stories are filthy! Hee hee. I'm just kidding. Don't worry about it. Like I said, you didn't know. Besides, all those stories about "The Dainty Dandy" you're using as a base are mostly rumors and hearsay. Well... Mostly. ;-}
Ripper (to Vincent): I know, I'll get over it...
Vincent (to Ripper): Don't feel bad now. Save your embarrassment for the next sequel you have to write.
Ripper (to Vincent): That is not helping me, at all, Captain.
Vincent (to Ripper): Hee hee. Sorry, Professor. I couldn't resist. That was a cheap shot. I fully admit fault, and am contrite. Good heavens, listen to me. I really shouldn't have started drinking on an empty stomach.
Ripper (to Vincent): Maybe, we should raid the kitchen for a snack... I'm feeling a bit hungry myself.
Vincent (to Ripper): That is probably a very good idea. I tried, but I just couldn't eat earlier. Oh dear... I seem to have hit the part of the evening where walking becomes a Herculean challenge. I am a lightweight.
Ripper (to Vincent): Here I'll carry you, piggyback or in my arms? :-P
Vincent (to Ripper): Only if I can wear a ridiculous hat and shout tally ho! Hee hee. No, no. I may need to lean on you a bit, but I can manage. Besides, what would Her Highness say if she saw her beloved Captain Dearheart being carried off in the arms of a strapping man?
Ripper (to Vincent): Wow, you ARE a lightweight... uh, why are you rubbing my arm like that?
Vincent (to Ripper): Hee hee. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Velvet. Why do you think I own so much of it? Besides it being dashing, of course. Good heavens, man! I think your arms might be the same size as my head. Oh God! Is my accent coming out?
Ripper (to Vincent): Hehe, I don't think so. Maybe, they can give some more ice for my jaw... it's still a bit tender.
Vincent (to Ripper): Thank God for small favors! If I've had enough rum to go all Country Fried on you, you'll have to carry me after all.
Ripper (to Vincent): Alright, come on... Ow... Please, don't bang into my jaw. So, can I ask you something a little personal?
Vincent (to Ripper): Only if you put me down. I CAN still walk, you know.
Ripper (to Vincent): But, I thought YOU just asked me to carry you... God, you're frustrating.
Vincent (to Ripper): No, no. Only if I start sounding like an extra from Deliverance. I don't go all Kentucky unless I've had WAY too much. Right now I've only had a little too much. And yes. I'm frustrating. It's one of my better qualities. What did you want to ask?
Ripper (to Vincent): Oh, right... my question, you distracted me with all the carrying, not carrying stuff. I was just curious about your relationship with Po-Percy... Are you guys just friends or something more?
Vincent (to Ripper): Oh God. Is that ever the question of the millennium. Everyone has asked me some variation on that theme recently, it seems.
Ripper (to Vincent): Well, I'm asking from a purely selfish perspective... if that makes you feel any better. Oh wow, apparently, I'm drunker than I thought I was... damn.
Vincent (to Ripper): Hee hee. Well, as long as YOU don't get a Kentucky accent, we're doing alright. And I can't blame you. Poppy makes quite a striking young man. I honestly don't know how to answer that. I mean, I really liked Poppy, but her "human" personality has been wiped... So she's not really the girl with whom I used to spend so much time. Oh. Not that she was exactly a girl before. And... not that I knew that at the time. Good God, is this all confusing. I feel like I need a flow chart. Currently, we're not really dating or anything, but we are occasionally intimate. So I guess, well... friends? Friends plus?
Ripper (to Vincent): Oh well, that's good to know... I wasn't asking because I was interested in Percy, just so you know... Wow, and I'm really going to shut up now.
Vincent (to Ripper): Oh. I... Um. Wow. I REALLY don't know what to say.
Ripper (to Vincent): Well... did it just get REALLY awkward or is it just me?
Vincent (to Ripper): Oh... Hee hee. Yeah. More than a little bit. Hee. I think we can chalk this up to us both being WAY too drunk, don't you?
Ripper (to Vincent): As you wish...
Vincent (to Ripper): Oh don't you quote 'The Princess Bride' at me, sir! It's inconceivable!
Ripper (to Vincent): Sorry, it was the first thing that popped in my head.
Vincent (to Ripper): Even if I would KILL for Cary Elwes's boots in that movie. I wonder if I could get people to call me the Dread Pirate Vincent? And... thank you. It's not that I'm not flattered, Professor. REALLY. I'm currently the envy of 80% of the Piedmont, I'm sure. I'm just not... Well. I'm not quite my usual charming self right now. And we ARE both VERY drunk.
Ripper (to Vincent): Yeah, you're probably right... I'll just head off to bed, then... Uh, good night.
Vincent (to Ripper): It's for the best, Prof. I'm positive. Hit me up some other time when we're not drunk and I haven't got my head up my arse. :-P
Ripper (to Vincent): No, it's okay... I'll see you in the morning.
Vincent: Oh. Oh. Fucking. Shit. I am Kentucky Fried Vincent drunk. (to Ripper) I'll see y'all in the morning.
Percy: I have never been so happy to hear from Klaude Davenport before in my life...
Vincent (to Percy): Did you get good news, hun?
Percy (to Vincent): God, honey, it's actually the best news... I've got my body back, well, sort of. I still need to upload my AI into it. But, it's here & fixed. And, damn it, Klaude, it looks like she uploaded the 'human Poppy' program into it... Why on earth would she do that? I swear, honey, just when you think she's one of the smartest people on the planet, she goes and does a thing like that.
Vincent (to Percy): Oh! Oh my. I don't know what to tell you, hun. I'm glad you'll have the body you want back, sweetie, but I know you didn't want all the complications of "human" Poppy. Oh, uh... Sorry, hun! I'm totes tipsy.
Poppy (to Vincent): Let's get you tucked in, honey... I think you're going to feel terrible in the morning otherwise.
Vincent (to Poppy): Uh...Poppy? Am I WAY drunker than I thought I was, or are you a wee bonnie lass again?
Poppy (to Vincent): Oh honey, you are just too cute when you play dumb & helpless... And, what do you mean by a lass again, honey? I've always been a girl...
Vincent (to Poppy): Oh good heavens. I'm sorry, sweetie. You're right. No matter what your wrapping, you're always Poppy.
Poppy (to Vincent): Programming, honey? What are you talking about? I was raised Methodist.
Vincent (to Poppy): Uh.. You didn't wipe your "human" programming, did you? Oh my God. I... I think I need to go to bed.
Poppy (to Vincent): Do you need some help getting there, honey? You don't seem all that steady.
Vincent (to Poppy): No. No. I think I'm... Oh God... I think I might need some help after all, hun. Tonight has been.. Oh, God, tonight has been something else.
Poppy (to Vincent): Can do, honey, just put your arm around my shoulder & we'll take the stairs slowly...
