Hiiri (to Percy): Poppy, I'd like to apologize for shooting you. I figured it was better to shoot you than one of the Davenports. I simply assumed you'd be repaired, I didn't realize they'd download you into a new body.
Percy (to Hiiri): Well, honey, you know what they say about assumptions... it makes an ass out of you & puts me in a boy's body.
Hiiri (to Percy): Well, no matter what you look like, you still have a way with words...
Percy (to Hiiri): Do you have everything you need in order to finish the calculations for the cipher?
Hiiri (to Percy): I think so, though, I'm worried that the device itself is going to draw too much power & burn out before it is effective. You wouldn't happen to know of a way to fix that problem?
Percy (to Hiiri): ... I may know of something. I'll give you the equations... I'll download them to you now.
Hiiri (to Percy): ... Oh, yes. Why didn't I think of that? This is brilliant, that should definitely help the power fluctuation problem.
Percy (to Hiiri): Yes, well, I can't take the credit for it... a friend came up with it. Anything else?
Hiiri (to Percy): No, I think that should just about do it. I should have the device design ready in a couple hours. Though, you won't be awake to see it...
Percy (to Hiiri): Wait... How did you? ... Not aga...
Hiiri (to Percy): Sorry, Percy. But count your blessings... At least this time, you're just offline for a bit.
An hour or so later:
Emmett Davenport (to Vincent, Percy & Mouse): I have some good news & some bad news... the good news is that we found Smythe & the bad news is we found Smythe, dead. He looks like someone used a TeslaArcht on him for a very long time.
Mouse (to Emmett Davenport): Good.
Vincent (to Percy): Oh holy God... Poppy? I mean, Percy? Are you alright? Are you OK? (to Emmett Davenport) Shit! I can't get Percy on the phone!
Emmett Davenport (to Vincent): I just tried our direct link, she looks like she's offline...
Hiiri (to Vincent): Little brother, Percy is all right... I just temporarily incapacitated him. I apologize for my subterfuge, but I needed a few things from him in order to make my modifications.
Vincent (to Hiiri): I'm guessing you're also the reason Smythe is no longer with us. I don't suppose you're willing to tell me what you're up to?
Hiiri (to Vincent): Yes, Smythe was pathetic & a fool... and to think he expected me to love him after what he did to us. And, really, little brother, you want the monologue explaining my master plan? Fine... I didn't actually have the cipher for the device, until now. I've already begun the modifications to the weapon that will allow me full control over the gateways. Soon, I’ll be able to not only travel between these two worlds but any of the infinite number of realities. And, I will be unstoppable... just as soon as I dispose of CLANNG.
Vincent (to Hiiri): Thank you. That saves me from wasting time trying to guess. You must realize, of course, that I'm not keen on letting you attempt this.
Hiiri (to Vincent): Don't worry, little brother, I'm not going to do anything to you & yours. In fact, I'll even let you continue to travel between these two worlds... so long, as you don't try to stop me.
Vincent (to Hiiri): Gosh! That's real downright decent of you. Fuck you and your "permission"! And make no mistake, madam, you are NOT my sister.
Hiiri (to Vincent): Oh really? I am what I am because of her. She has so much untapped potential inside her, but she's so limited by her fear & denial.
Vincent (to Hiiri): And love, and compassion, and humanity. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Like I said, you're not my sister at all.
Hiiri (to Vincent): No... I'm better. Now, pardon me, I have to make one little house call before I leave...
Vincent (to Eep & Mouse): Where are you? Hiiri's gone rogue, and I don't know where she's going. She just said something about a house call...
Mouse (to Vincent): I'm in the basement with Otto.
Eep (to Vincent & Mouse): Uh, guys? I found the Evil Twin...
Vincent (to Eep): Shit! I'll be right there!
Mouse (to Eep): Are you okay?
Eep (to Mouse): I'm fine. So far, she's just staring at me.
Hiiri (to Eep): Greetings. So, you're the thing that kept Mouse going for all those months? Hmmm, for some reason, I expected you to be taller.
Eep (to Hiiri): (to Hiiri) Uh, right. OK. So, did you just come here to find out how tall I am or what? What do you want?
Hiiri (to Eep): Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you or anything. I just wanted to look at you with my own eyes one time...
Eep (to Hiiri): Yes. Well, you've seen me in all my glory. So, you can fuck off now. (to Vincent) Just... Hold up. She said she's not gonna hurt me, so, you know... Let's not antagonize the crazy android.
Mouse (to Hiiri): If you hurt Eep, I swear it'll be the last thing you do.
Hiiri (to Eep): I'm hurt... Are you afraid of me? You have no reason to be. I'm just like HER... I have all of her memories. (to Mouse) HAHAHA! I would never do that. He's too important to me, us.
Eep (to Hiiri): Uh... yeah, no offense, but no you're not. And yeah, it's more than a little unnerving when someone who looks a shitton like the woman I love walks through the door.
Hiiri (to Eep): Hmmm, you think I'm different from her? You should ask her why she spends so much time in the basement or about the nightmares. At least, I know how to focus my rage for a purpose rather than punishing myself.
Eep (to Hiiri): I know about the nightmares. And, yeah, you are different. Your eyes aren't right... So you can stop right there with all that "we're exactly the same bullshit" you're about to lay on me.
Hiiri (to Eep): Oh fine, you're too smart for me. Give me a kiss & then I'll go...
Eep (to Hiiri): What?! Seriously? Fuck no!
Hiiri (to Eep): ... Well, enough dilly dallying, I have so much to do... And, you know what they say? Time waits for no one...
Eep (to Hiiri): Yeah. Nice fucking meeting you. Feel free to get hit by a truck on the way out.... .... Jesus FUCKING CHRIST! What the FUCK is wrong with you?!
Mouse (to Eep & Hiiri): What the hell are you doing!?!
Hiiri (to Eep & Mouse): Farewell!
Eep (to Mouse): Jesus... Fucking FAT CHRIST! Mouse, I swear to fucking God... I... that was NOT...
Mouse (to Eep): I know... It's okay... Are you okay? She didn't hurt you, did she? (to Vincent) Little brother, Hiiri's got some kind of mini portal generator. She just used it...
Vincent (to Mouse): Well, shit. That fucks our pooch, doesn't it? Right. I'll contact the Davenports & see if I can get Pop--Percy back online.
Eep (to Mouse): No. Fuck... She... No. She nearly snapped my fucking wrist when she fucking grabbed me, but... OK. Deep breath. Sorry. I'm fine.
Mouse (to Eep): Good, I'm glad you're okay. I'll get some ice for your wrist... What the hell did she want? (to Vincent) I am so sorry, this is all my fault.
Vincent (to Mouse): Please, sweetie, this is in NO WAY your fault.
Eep (to Mouse): Fucked if I know! She walked in, started at me, tried to give me a "Mouse and I are the same" speech, and then asked for a kiss. I told her to get hit by a truck, then she grabbed me, and... uh, well, you saw the rest.
Mouse (to Eep): Oh. OH. Ooooh... Yes... well, you didn't seem to be in too much trouble when I arrived. (to Vincent) I should have just told her to fuck off when she asked for help...
Vincent (to Mouse): Sweetie... You can't shoulder the responsibility for this one. You, Poppy and the Davenport sisters were all in agreement. It was put to a vote, after all.
Eep (to Mouse): WHAT? In case you didn't notice, I wasn't exactly doing that voluntarily!
Mouse (to Eep): I know, I know... I'm sorry. I'm just pissed off... (to Vincent) Yeah well, I shouldn't have fallen for it... I should have known what she was thinking...
Vincent (to Mouse): No, you shouldn't have. You WERE thinking like you. That's why you would have never guessed what she was plotting. She's NOT you, hun.
Eep (to Mouse): Yeah, well. Lemme reassure you. Making out with crazy fucking robots with dead eyes isn't real high on my list of Things To Do.
Mouse (to Eep): I know... I'm sorry. (to Vincent) Yeah... but I kinda wish I was the one to kill Smythe.
Eep (to Mouse): Christ! I'm sorry too. I didn't meant to snap at you. That whole situation was just... ugh! Are you OK, Killer?
Mouse (to Eep): Surprisingly well, considering... How's your wrist?
Eep (to Mouse): It's fine. Just a little bruised. Um, this might be a shitty time, but can I ask you something?
Mouse (to Eep): Yeah, sure. What is it?
Eep (to Mouse): The evil...uh, Hiiri, right? Hiiri said something about knowing why you spent so much time in the basement... And about all your guilt. What's going on?
Mouse (to Eep): What!?! How would she, even... It's nothing. I've just been exercising to exhaust myself... to try and help me sleep.
Eep (to Mouse): Mouse, please tell me what's going on.
Mouse (to Eep): Fine, but you're not going to like it... I've been trying to speed up my healing process and the only way to do it seems to be to get hurt. I am so angry that I feel like I'm going to explode. I don't ever want to be hurt like that again.
Eep (to Mouse): WHAT? No fucking kidding I'm not gonna like it. Mouse, that's... it's... Jesus Christ. I need to sit down.
Mouse (to Eep): I feel stupid & weak for not being able to stop Smythe... and now, Smythe is dead. And, I'm glad but it doesn't change anything. I just want to feel something else... I just want be normal.
Eep (to Mouse): I know. I know. I... I don't know what to say. What Smythe did to you, it wasn't your fault. It had nothing to do with you being stupid or weak. And I know you KNOW that. So, I know me telling you that helps exactly fuck all. And, it doesn't sound like this about trying to speed up your healing at all...
Mouse (to Eep): I don't know what else to say...
Eep (to Mouse): C'mere and lemme give you a hug, then. Jesus, Killer! Of all the people in the world you thought you couldn't tell about this... You'll get through this. We'll get through this. Don't worry. It'll be OK.
Mouse (to Eep): Thank you, Felix. I love you.
Eep (to Mouse): I love you too. And, uh, listen, when I was in high school, I had a teacher who taught me some ways to kinda re-focus, you know, when you start to feel overwhelmed. They don't always work, and you'll feel kinda like an idiot, but it's something.
Mouse (to Eep): Oh okay, I'll certainly give it a try... I know I should have told you, but I just felt weird about it. I felt like I should be able to cope better than this...
Eep (to Mouse): I understand. BELIEVE ME, I understand. I don't know why you're expecting yourself to just be able to bounce back to normal. Trauma doesn't work that way. Be nice if it did. I feel like I should welcome you to the Uber Goth Stereotype Club. Did someone give you your toaster when you joined? Sorry! Sorry. That was a terrible joke. I don't know about you, but I would kill for a cigarette. Heehee, a cigarette would be great.
Percy (to Vincent): Where is that tin-plated nightmare? I am going to give her such a beatdown...
Vincent (to Percy): Gone. She's got a mini portal generator. Hun, I don't know how to tell you this... She has the cipher for it now. She's trying to mod it to not only control the openings between our worlds, but ALL of them.
Percy (to Vincent): Oh, honey, that is not good, not good at all... We are so screwed... I need a drink.
Vincent (to Percy): You and me both. Oh God... Right. We'll need to contact the Davenports. They may be in danger. Then we should probably all get together and powwow about this. I wonder if I should tell Ripper...
Percy (to Vincent): Honey, why on earth would you tell Ripper?
Vincent (to Percy): Oh good heavens... It totally slipped my mind with everything else. Apparently the Prof has been crossing over like I do. He knows the Empress.
Percy (to Vincent): Oh, well that is interesting...
Vincent (to Percy): It gets STRANGER, trust me, but I've been sworn to silence.
Percy (to Vincent): Oooh, has he been having a torrid affair with her highness... or his majesty, honey?
Vincent (to Percy): Nothing quite so exciting or romance novel worthy, I'm afraid. Maybe you can get him to tell you later.
Percy (to Vincent): Oooh, honey, does this have something to do with the novel he modeled for?
Vincent (to Percy): I said I wouldn't tattle, so I can neither deny. Nor CONFIRM.
Percy (to Vincent): I totally understand, honey...
A few hours later:
Percy (to Mouse): Hey honey, I meant to check on you before, how are you holding up?
Mouse (to Percy): Oh, just peachy... how are you? I'm sorry about your old body.
Percy (to Mouse): I am doing alright... and I know you're hiding behind sarcasm, but I'll let you get away with it this time.
Vincent (to Ripper): Hey Professor. I have an update on the portal situation for you. I'm sure you can sense the impending "but..." To be blunt, the situation is dangerous, and the less you know, and the less you can be connected to Mouse, Eep and I the safer you may be. However, if you want to know what's going on, I can let you know.
Ripper (to Vincent): That all sounds pretty ominous, but I would really like to know what's going on... Maybe, I can help. Are you guys in danger, do you need a place to hide?
Vincent (to Ripper): Not at the moment. Thankfully, we're all safe for now. Good Lord... I don't know where to begin, honestly. I was asked to hide something on our side of the portal. Unfortunately, it was traced here by a madman going by Smythe. The item in question was a set of plans. Smythe was trying to devise a way to gain control of the portals between our worlds. He... He kidnapped my sister in an attempt to get his hands on those plans. She was with him 4 months before she escaped... And before Eep and I were able to locate her. He was... It was horrible. He became obsessed with her... He built an automaton version of her, apparently, who managed to trick us into helping her complete the device.
Ripper (to Vincent): Wow. That certainly explains a lot about everyone's strange behavior. Have you contacted her majesty's secret service? They seem quite capable of handling something like this... and no offense to you, but this seems way out of your league.
Vincent (to Ripper): Believe me, no offense taken. I don't have those kinds of contacts, I'm afraid. Pirate and all. Let me check with Percy... (to Percy) Hey, hun. I filled Ripper in on our latest adventure. He suggested we try contacting Her Majesty's Secret Service.
Percy (to Vincent): Well, honey, our mutual friend has done work for her majesty in the past... I would have thought they'd be involved by now. Heck, the Admiralty would be helpful as well... What we need is an audience with the Empress, but I don't know to about it.
Vincent (to Percy): It sounds like the Professor can help us with that one, hun.
Percy (to Vincent): Oh? Oh, yes, you said he knew the Empress... well, let's put that sexy man to work, honey.
Vincent (to Ripper): Well Professor, I spoke to Percy, and the man who asked me to hide the plans has done work for Her Highness in the past. So the Secret Service may already be involved. But, honestly, we can use all the help we can get. If you can get us, or our friends an audience with the Empress, it could help.
Ripper (to Vincent): Well, if we could crossover I know exactly how to get an audience with her majesty... though, you might not like it... Wait it's you, you're probably going to like it. Her Majesty would easily grant you & your friend's an audience if I told her that the person to whom the pirate king, Sebastian Dearheart, is based on wished to meet her... and then you could tell everything that has happened.
Vincent (to Ripper): Oh dear. Well, I can honestly say that I've never had such a high profile fan. (to Percy) Well, if we can crossover, between me and Ripper, we should be able to get an audience with the Empress. Of course, now we just have to figure a way back...
Percy (to Vincent): Well, we will figure it out... if evil Mouse can get her hands on a mini field portal generator than we might be able to, as well.
Ripper (to Vincent): Well, I'm sure you'll be able to handle it. :-)
Vincent (to Ripper): Hee hee. Here's hoping I don't disappoint. :-P
Several hours later:
Vincent (to Mouse): Hey, sweetie. How are you doing?
Mouse (to Vincent): Hanging in there... How are you?
Vincent (to Mouse): About the same. How ready are you for more weird news?
Mouse (to Vincent): If it's bad weird news, I don't think I can handle it right now...
Vincent (to Mouse): No, no. Not bad, just strange. We might be able to get an audience with the Empress. Hopefully, we can get help tracking down and stopping your evil twin.
Mouse (to Vincent): Oh, that's good...
Vincent (to Mouse): And now are you ready for the weird part? Ripper may be able get us an audience.
Mouse (to Vincent): What!?! So, am I the only one who didn't know about this whole thing? Next you're going to tell me that Delia's a princess.
Vincent (to Mouse): Don't look at me this time! I had no idea the Professor was crossing over and vice versa.
Mouse (to Vincent): Well, okay... But still, I will not be surprised if we find out that Delia & Leon have been wandering that way, too...
Vincent (to Mouse): Hee hee. I wouldn' t be surprised. At this point everything has ceased to shock me. Apparently, we can get an audience, because Her Highness is a fan of a series based on yours truly.
Mouse (to Vincent): God, really there's a series based on you? I get an evil twin & you get literature... I feel gipped.
Vincent (to Mouse): Don't feel too jealous just yet, hun. You don't know what kind of novels they are. It's not exactly literature. More like one-handed reads. :-P
Mouse (to Vincent): Geez, that is so apropos. :-p
Vincent (to Mouse): Poppy and I actually read one of them, and... Well, let's just say my life has gotten very meta.
Mouse (to Vincent): Sweetie, I just had a weird sensation like I'm missing something... Are you okay?
Vincent (to Mouse): I'm fine. Percy's here with me too. He's been coordinating with the Davenports for the past hour or so.
Mouse (to Vincent): So, is everyone at work?
Vincent (to Mouse): I'm fine. Percy's here with me too. He's been coordinating with the Davenports for the past hour or so. Everyone but Delia. She took tonight off. I have Mr. Giggles helping me behind the bar.
Delia (to Leon): Hey... did you let Tesla out by accident when you were over earlier?
Leon (to Delia): Let him out? Have you seen the way he clings to me? I might as well be a balloon for that little furry static kling-on.
Delia (to Leon): Fair enough, lol. I just can't find him. Wait.... I think I hear him. He sounds like he's trapped himself in the closet... which is weird. He sounds far away though. What the fu-
Leon (to Delia): Did you find Tesla in the cabinet again? No idea how he gets up there. I hope he didn't jump on your face this time. Babe? You okay?
Hiiri (to Delia): Greetings! Here's your cat.
Delia (to Hiiri) ummmm.... what?
Hiiri (to Delia): I'm sorry, the portals are shifting, your closet appears to have become one & Tesla wandered in...
Delia (to Hiiri): Mouse, what on earth are you talking about? Portals? Where are we? Is this... narnia? If so where is the jesus allegory lion?
Hiiri (to Delia): No, it's not Narnia... It might be easiest to think of this as an alternate timeline.
Delia (to Hiiri): .... damn it, I'm drugged again aren't I? Satanica got into the water again. (to Leon) No.. I'[DATA CORRUPTED]re where I a[DATA CORRUPTED] a portal. What the shi[DATA CORRUPTED]
Leon (to Delia): What in the world is going on? You fell into the closet and think you're in Narnia? Must have been some bump to the head.
Vincent (to Mouse): Oh dear. Looks like we're down a DJ. (to Ripper) Where did Leon wander off to? Isn't he spinning next?
Ripper (to Vincent): He said he needed to go check on Delia. I don't mind covering his set.
Hiiri (to Delia): No, you're not drugged. I know it's a lot to absorb. I could give you a tour if you'd like. I was just here running a test. My airship is right behind you...
Delia (to Hiiri): ...... oh for fucks sake. so.. this is an alternate reality. That's your airship. And... you're not really Mouse, are you? (to Leon) I thin[DATA CORRUPTED]ight be in narnia. I fell int[DATA CORRUPTED]oset. Shit. I don't think mouse is reall[DATA CORRUPTED]
Leon (to Delia): What the hell is going on? I'm in your place, can't find you and there is a weird static in the air. Where ARE you? (to Mouse) Hey…something just happened to Delia. She was here in her place and now she and Tesla are gone. Feels weird here.
Delia (to Leon): I wish I fuc[DATA CORRUPTED] knew.
Mouse (to Leon): Is there a weird taste in your mouth, like you just licked a 9volt battery?
Leon (to Mouse): That, and the whole place feels like it was rubbed with Tesla while he was standing on a Van DeGraff generator. What the hell?
Mouse (to Leon): I don't know what any of that means... But, I'll be right over. (to Vincent) Yeah, i just got a weird message from Leon & I think Delia has crossed over.
Vincent (to Mouse): Oh for fuck's sake!
Hiiri (to Delia): Well, I am, but I'm not... You can call me Hiiri. Would you like some tea... Or gin?
Delia (to Hiiri): Gin. Lots and lots and lots of gin. (to Leon) What the hel[DATA CORRUPTED]eon? When you were haunted I believed yo[DATA CORRUPTED]n deep shit. We know death! [DATA CORRUPTED]his really a stretch?
Hiiri (to Delia): I can oblige.
Delia (to Hiiri): Sooo.. Hiiri. Why am I here? On your airship. With my.. sparking cat?! Bloody, fucking, hell.
Hiiri (to Delia): Oh Delia dear, it was a complete coincidence that the portal opened at your place, as for the sparking... It should subside in an hour or so. The static charge through the passage has been collected by the cat. Just don't touch him, for god sake.
Delia (to Hiiri): .. that's what I get for naming him that I guess. Still.. this is a lot to take in Mou..uh. Hiiri.
Hiiri (to Delia): I'm sure it is... And, I can send you back through once Tesla's static has discharged.
Delia (to Hiiri): Yeah we'll be here awhile. You haven't met my cat. He's always static-y
Hiiri (to Delia): Actually, I have met him & you before in a manner of speaking... I just realized that they're going to come looking for you. So, this is going to speed up my timetable a bit... Have some more gin, your glass seems to be empty.
Delia (to Hiiri): But.. you're not Mouse? Who's going to come looking for me? ... so it does. If I'm going to be confused I might as well be drunk and confused.
Hiiri (to Delia): Little brother & the rest of the Scooby Gang... Damn, they do like to meddle... And, I have a surprise for them... Here kitty, kitty...
Delia (to Hiiri): wha... oh god. What's in this gin? What are you doing to my cat??
Hiiri (to Delia): I figured you're going to need to take a bit of a nap. As for Tesla, he'll be fine, it's temporary, but I thought a 50ft tall electrified Cat might be necessary.
Delia (to Hiiri): oh..oh god. I don't feel well. What'd you put in the gin... ooooh...nooo...no, no, no. Is... banjos? Noooo....
Hiiri (to Delia): Shhh, too pretty.
Mouse (to Leon): So, I see you brought your hockey stick... That was probably a good call.
Leon (to Mouse): Never know when you're going to have to check some prowler into the boards. What is that device in your hand? The beepy thing?
Mouse (to Leon): God, I'm not going to lie, it's a Cross-Dimensional Fluctuation Reader... I'm trying to figure out where an Einstein-Rosen bridge has opened up.
Leon (to Mouse): Well…why didn't you just say so? Probably want to check the closet first. Wait. Is that how Greg actually gets around?
Mouse (to Leon): No, Greg is actually everywhere all the time... Oh, yep it looks like the portal is in the closet. (to Vincent) So, there's a portal in Delia's closet, She's gone & so is her cat...
Vincent (to Mouse): Shit! Oh shit! OK. The crowd has died down. I'll have Ripper pop on an iPod, and get Sasha behind the bar... Don't you two move 'til we get there! (to Ripper & Eep) We gotta go! Looks like a portal opened up in Delia's closet. She & Tesla are missing. I made our excuses to Sasha.
Eep (to Vincent): WHAT?
Ripper (to Vincent): Oh... I get to be involved this time?
Vincent (to Ripper): Actually, I hate to ask you to come along, Professor, but if we manage to crossover, we may need your contacts. You're under no obligation, however.
Ripper (to Vincent): I know, but I want to help.
Vincent (to Ripper): OK. Looks like you're going to be a part of your next novel. :-P
Ripper (to Vincent): In the immortal words of everyone who knows you, hush you.
Leon: Why do I have the feeling that I'm going to need something better than a hockey stick for this mess? Army training, come back to me! (to Mouse & Vincent) Yeah…unless we were planning on jumping thru the closet, I'm not going anywhere. Guess we'll have to get Delia?
Mouse (to Leon): Well, I imagine that's the plan... (to Percy) Bring weapons.
Percy (to Mouse): Not to worry, honey, I have a trunk full.
Eep (to Mouse): Hey. We're pulling up now. Uh... Otto's sitting outside. Guess he's coming along.
Mouse (to Eep): I should probably surprised by that, but I'm not.
Vincent (to Percy): Is the portal still active, hun? Can we crossover?
Percy (to Vincent): Yes, honey, I don't know why it's here but it is open & active.
Emmett Davenport (to Poppy & Vincent): Is there a reason why there's a 50ft electrified cat rampaging around Colorado Springs?
Vincent (to Emmett Davenport): One of our friends got sucked through a portal with her cat. I'm guessing Hiiri found them first.
Emmett Davenport (to Vincent): It keeps trying to cuddle.
Vincent (to Eep, Leon, Mouse, Percy, Ripper): Right. Ready, Scooby Gang?
Ripper: I am so glad I have a notebook with me so I can jot down notes about all of this... (to Vincent) Of course!
Eep (to Vincent): As ready as I'm ever gonna be, I guess.
Mouse (to Vincent): Yeah.
Percy (to Vincent): Yes, honey.
