Eep (to Mouse): A hint about your new neighbors: never EVER tell Wanda you are bored.
Mouse (to Eep): Oh, thanks... I can only imagine what new tortures she would visit upon me.
Eep (to Mouse): One word: karaoke.
Mouse (to Eep): Oh dear god, no... not that.
Eep (to Mouse): Yeah. She's a little bit nuts for it. Some day when I'm drunk, I'll tell you about the one AND ONLY time she conned me into it.
Mouse (to Eep): Awww, I have to wait until you're drunk? Come on... What song did you sing?
Eep (to Mouse): Oh God, I'm not sure I wanna say.
Mouse (to Eep): Don't feel weird, Vincent made me do it once... and, he picked out the song.
Eep (to Mouse): I'll bet you mine was more embarrassing than yours.
Mouse (to Eep): Really? Was yours a showtune? Because he made me do a duet with him to 'Let's Call the Whole Thing Off'.
Eep (to Mouse): God... No. It's worse. This is horrible, terrible information.
Mouse (to Eep): Oh come on, I'm your girlfriend... It's worse than watching you in a porn?
Eep (to Mouse): Yes. It might be. So, uh, remember that Britney Spears song "Toxic"?
Mouse (to Eep): Yes... it's terrible... oh god, did you sing that?
Eep (to Mouse): In my defense, I was VERY drunk, and Wanda picked it out.
Mouse (to Eep): Oh... I have never actually wanted to do karaoke, so much in my life as do I this exact moment.
Eep (to Mouse): Oh God...
Mouse (to Eep): I wouldn't actually subject you to that.
Eep (to Mouse): Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure it was terrible. And hilarious. I got a standing ovation from the bar. I'll say that much.
Mouse (to Eep): I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think... I like your speaking voice, so if you can hold a tune, it would probably be quite nice. Plus, I suspect Wanda knew exactly what she was doing.
Eep (to Mouse): Yes. Embarrassing the shit out of me. Heh. I can't sing. I can carry a tune alright, but I'm no musician. And there's no way ANY Britney Spears song sung by ANYONE could be "nice."
Mouse (to Eep): I actually have in my possession several decent covers of britney spears' song... and they're much better than her versions.
Eep (to Mouse): You're the musical expert, so I'll defer to your judgment. But I can't say I'm entirely convinced. :-p
Mouse (to Eep): And, Wanda has terrible taste in music anyway. She always requests some truly awful stuff whenever she comes in.
Eep (to Mouse): God, YEAH she does. Of course, she hates my taste in music too, so we're even.
Mouse (to Eep): Well, you've never asked me to play anything that made me feel dirty... I can't even name one of the bands without shuddering.
Eep (to Mouse): Dare I ask?
Mouse (to Eep): Well, she once requested the Dave Matthews Band and Hootie & the Blowfish.
Eep (to Mouse): Oh god. I feel dirty now too.
Mouse (to Eep): Sorry… You asked.
Eep (to Mouse): Consider me officially sorry I asked.
Mouse (to Eep): Me too... Does it look like you got a lot of stuff left to do?
Eep (to Mouse): I think we should be done moving today. I HOPE we're going to be done moving today. It doesn't seem like we do, but it seems like the more we move stuff out and get done, the more little shit there is to do.
Mouse (to Eep): That's normal. Need any help or would that disturb "the method"?
Eep (to Mouse): Because I love you, I'm going to advise you stay far, far away.
Mouse (to Eep): Oh, that sounds incredibly ominous...
Eep (to Mouse): Wanda has a task list. We have assigned tasks. If she hadn't been raised by anarchists, she probably would have taken over a small country by now.
Mouse (to Eep): So, I shouldn't go & offer everyone a beer or lemonade?
Eep (to Mouse): I know Robert would LOVE a beer. Maybe we can sneak out.
Mouse (to Eep): Wow... does she have a clipboard?
Eep (to Mouse): A clipboard and a hat.
Mouse (to Eep): I will now call her, Chairman Wanda from now on. :-P
Eep (to Mouse): Ha ha ha! Oh God... Uh oh. Now I'm in trouble... apparently the Chairman doesn't like frivolity.
Mouse (to Eep): Oops... tell her it was my fault.
Eep (to Mouse): Heh. It's too late. I've been banned. Robert looks ready to kill me. Can I seek sanctuary with you?
Mouse (to Eep): Yes, of course... tell Robert to get himself banned & have him come with you.
Two hours later:
Vincent (to Poppy): Darling, it was amazing. *U* were amazing. Thank U for such an unforgettable holiday season. I just settled myself home.
Poppy (to Vincent): Oh, honey, I miss you already.
Vincent (to Poppy): Ditto. :} (to Mouse) Home safe and sound, sister dearest.
Mouse (to Vincent): Oh, good. I'm glad to have you back. :-)
Vincent (to Mouse): It's good 2 B home. I do love being a jet-setter, but I cld use a couple of days of rest.
Mouse (to Vincent): So, I guess Vegas is out? :-P
Vincent (to Poppy): Our mysterious package frm Chapel on the Rock. It's an envelope. Looks like we had some photos taken. I do hope we didn't shock any1. ;-}
Poppy (to Vincent): Oooh, I can't wait to see them!
Vincent (to Poppy): It's not a package of pictures.
Poppy (to Vincent): Well, that's disappointing...
Vincent (to Poppy): Poppy, how drunk were we on Christmas Eve?
Poppy (to Vincent): Pretty toasty, we had that hot spiced cider on the sleigh ride & then quite a bit more before we went for our walk around town.
Vincent (to Poppy): Yeeeeeeeeeah. Darling, R U sitting down? Do U have a drink?
Poppy (to Vincent): Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like where this is going, honey?
Vincent (to Poppy): Oh, sweetie. I don't know how 2 tell U this. We... we appear 2 B man & wife.
Poppy (to Vincent): Wait. What!?! That's a funny joke, honey... but seriously, what's in the envelope?
Vincent (to Poppy): There was a marriage certificate. I wish I was kidding. Hold on. I'll take a pic and send it 2 U. Here it is.
Poppy (to Vincent): Oh god... you are serious. Why would we do that?
Vincent (to Poppy): I'm serious as a grave, sweetie. I-I don't know Y we would EVER do this. I don't even REMEMBER doing it.
Poppy (to Vincent): I think I'm having a panic attack... I mean I like you & all but... I...
Vincent (to Poppy): Oh no. I like you too, but MARRIAGE. Oh. Oh God... No. Just... No. Alright. I think, I think we should be able to get this annulled. We were both clearly and obviously intoxicated at the time.
Poppy (to Vincent): Yes, that's clearly what we need to do, honey... I mean, I certainly wouldn't get married without making a registry or having an over the top wedding... that's just ridiculous. Besides, I figured my first husband would be much older.
Vincent (to Poppy): Poppy, DARLING, now is not rlly the time 2 tell me how I fail 2 live up 2 ur wedding fantasies.
Poppy (to Vincent): Sorry, honey... I'm a little taken aback by all of this.
Vincent (to Poppy): I nearly threw up when I opened the envelope. If I had more in my system than airplane peanuts, I prolly would have. Shit. Isn't this just the end all? I'll see if I can get my sister 2 give me the name of her lawyer I'll call him 2morrow.
Poppy (to Vincent): Gee, thanks honey... I'm glad that the thought of being married to me made you want to vomit.
Vincent (to Poppy): Well, maybe if we were older & we had the chance 2 fill up a wedding registry w/ expensive crap, I'd feel better abt it.
Poppy (to Vincent): Well, now I'm feeling a little hurt & insulted, honey... just get the damn annulment. Clearly, we were out of gourds.
Vincent (to Poppy): Oh, Poppy. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying 2 make U feel bad... I'm sorry. This was--this was a huge shock 4 me. I rlly hadn't planned on EVER getting married. It's not that it was U, darling. It was just that it was a marriage at ALL. I have no doubt U'll make several men VERY happy when U eventually marry them.
Poppy (to Vincent): Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm devastated, too...
Vincent (to Mouse): Hun, can I get the # 2 that lawyer of ur's of which ur so fond?
Mouse (to Vincent): Umm, sure... are you ok?
Vincent (to Mouse): Not at the moment. I'm sober and asking U for a lawyer's #. But I will B. It'll B OK.
Mouse (to Vincent): I'll email you his contact information right now... you sure you don't want to talk about it?
Vincent (to Mouse): I don't know. I really don't.
Mouse (to Vincent): Well, if you decide you want to, you know where I am.
Vincent (to Poppy): I'll take care of it. Mouse sent me her lawyer's info. If he can't help us, I'm sure he'll find us some1 who can. Don't worry. It'll all B OK.
Poppy (to Vincent): I have a bottle of gin with my name on it, honey... if you don't hear from me, know that I've drown in it… it's a good thing you already have a closet full of black.
An hour later:
Eep: Moving is finally, FINALLY done. Apparently, 6 years of living in one spot'll cause your shit to multiply.
Poppy (to Mouse): Sorry to bother you, but can I ask you a hypothetical question, honey?
Mouse (to Poppy): Um, sure... what is it?
Poppy (to Mouse): Well, it's the oldest story in the world, honey. Boy meets girl. Boy romances girl. They drunkenly get themselves hitched... They both agree it's a mistake & wants to annul it... but now girl feels sad about it. Why would the girl feel like that?
Mouse (to Poppy): Wow... um, well, hypothetically speaking, I'd wonder, why it happened in the first place? I mean, being drunk doesn't make you do anything you wouldn't think about doing... it just loosens your inhibitions a bit, it makes you more likely to simply do something that you'd normally be uncomfortable about. So, maybe these hypothetical girl & boy secretly have stronger feelings for each other than they're letting on. Who knows?
Poppy (to Mouse): Thank you, honey... um, please don't tell anyone, especially not Vincent, that we had this conversation.
Mouse (to Poppy): Oh ok... happy to help. (to Eep) Ok, something really weird is going on with Poppy & Vincent.
Eep (to Mouse): When is something weird NOT going on with them? What's up?
Mouse (to Eep): Vincent asked me for contact information for my lawyer & then, Poppy asked me a strange "hypothetical" question.
Vincent (to Eep): Hey, uh, can I ask U something?
Eep (to Vincent): This isn't about that whole "talk" you wanted to have with me, is it? I moved today. I'm WAY too fucking tired to do drama.
Vincent (to Eep): No. Not rlly. It's abt me. I need an outside perspective.
Eep (to Vincent): Um, OK. What's up? (to Mouse) Yeah, Vincent just texted me and seems weirdly introspective. For him, I mean. What "hypothetical" did Poppy ask about? Do you think they're OK?
Mouse (to Eep): Um, I told her I wouldn't say... but I don't like keeping secrets from you. Something about Boy meets girl. Boy romances girl. They drunkenly get themselves hitched. They both agree it's a mistake, but now girl feels sad about it and why would the girl feel like that?
Vincent (to Eep): Why do I seem to make such stupid fucking mistakes when it comes to romantic entanglements?
Eep (to Vincent): What are you talking about? Are you drunk? (to Mouse) What? Did they get married? Sorry. Sorry. That might not be right. But I've got Vincent drunkenly texting me wanting to know why he's an idiot.
Vincent (to Eep): To answer Q #2: Yes. I had a VRY large glass of gin & lemonada on an empty stomach.
Mouse (to Eep): Um, my first thought was actually that Poppy got herself drunkenly hitched & Vincent was going to help her... but oh god... My brother has such a fear of commitment, I can't even imagine him doing something like that.
Eep (to Mouse): And if he asked about a lawyer... Maybe he's trying to help Poppy get herself unentangled? (to Vincent) What are you talking about? I can't tell you why you're an idiot if I don't know what you're being an idiot about.
Vincent (to Eep): God. I just don't know. 1st that whole mess w/ Asher, & now I've got complications w/ Poppy...
Mouse (to Eep): Well, that would make sense. See, if you can get a straight answer out of him.
Eep (to Mouse): Shit. I am SO not good at this... Um, OK. God. Lemme see what I can do.
Mouse (to Eep): Just listen to him... he clearly wants to talk & he doesn't feel comfortable talking to me. You'll do fine... just don't let him provoke you. That's his jackass way of changing the subject.
Eep (to Mouse): Right. OK. You're right. (to Vincent) Well, and I have the feeling that I'm SO going to regret asking, what exactly happened with the creep? I mean, it's not a big deal. It's not like you lived with him for 7 months.
Vincent (to Eep): I shouldn't have done ANYTHING w/ him. He's a slime who deeply hurt 1 of my friends. & yet I still did. Y would I do that?
Eep (to Vincent): Oh. Um... Well, honestly, I don't know.
Vincent (to Eep): And then Poppy.
Eep (to Vincent): What!?! What happened with Poppy?
Vincent (to Eep): No. Nothing. Nothing happened w/ Poppy.
Eep (to Vincent): But, uh... But, you just MENTIONED Poppy. WHAT? Vincent, you are making NO sense. How much of that gin did you drink? Are you OK? You're not making any fucking sense.
Vincent (to Eep): Y weren't U mad at me? Y weren't U mad @ me when U found out abt me & Asher? U were rite, U know. More than just makeouts went on. Y weren't U mad?
Eep (to Vincent): Fat Christ, Vincent, really? What does this have to do with anything? Look, you CLEARLY felt shitty enough without me dumping all that, I dunno, anger, frustration, whatever on you. And... fuck. And, um, I couldn't get pissed at you for making the same shitty mistakes that I made when I was your age. Plus, the creep has had like a decade to get even better at his bullshit lies and lines. So, I'd be a real dick for getting mad at someone for being young and confused and naive, you know? So. That's that. What's all this about complications with Poppy? Don't tell me there aren't any. You said there were.
Vincent (to Eep): Did you fuck him? Asher? When you lived with him? He said you fucked. Did he manage to seduce you?
Eep (to Vincent): Asher is a lying piece of shit, and that is none of your business. Vincent! Poppy. What the fuck is going on? You're also trying to fluster me into changing the subject. What is going on with you and Poppy? (to Mouse): So far, he's just rambling and not making any damn sense. Jesus!
Mouse (to Eep): What's he babbling about?
Eep (to Mouse): Not Poppy so far. He mentioned her like twice, but insists she's not the problem. He wants to know why he's so stupid when it comes to romance and why I wasn't mad at him about the creep. He's also drunk. I can tell because he's swearing.
Mouse (to Eep): Thank you for talking to him. I know this is probably your least favorite thing to do.
Eep (to Mouse): It's OK. He seems pretty shaken up, and I like Vincent, AND he's your little brother, so... Here I am. Trying to give relationship advice. Which is hilarious.
Mouse (to Eep): Hey, considering you've got a pretty wonderful girlfriend... who better to ask? :-P
Vincent (to Eep): I did something, WE did something, that I think is going 2 destroy the relationship. It was stupid & mad & drunken & I like her. I RLLY do. I just want 2 know Y I seem 2 have this need 2 fuck myself ovr when it comes 2 matters of the heart.
Eep (to Vincent): What did you do?
Vincent (to Eep): Something vry dumb. Look, the what doesn't matter. I just want 2 know WHY.
Eep (to Vincent): Look, I don't know, Vincent. I'm sorry, but I don't have an answer for you. Whatever this mad, stupid thing you did was, it wasn't malicious. And that's something. The creep is a jerk. You AREN'T. Fix this as best you can. Make amends as best as you can. If you and Poppy end up breaking up, move on as best you can. TRUST ME. Pining sucks. It's all gonna be OK in the end. (to Mouse) Oh my fucking sweet baby Jesus. They totally got married, I think.
Vincent (to Eep): I hope so.
Mouse (to Eep): oh god...
Eep (to Mouse): He didn't confirm anything, but he said he and Poppy did something "mad, stupid and drunken." And whatever it is, he is FREAKED OUT about it. I've never seen him so introspective.
Mouse (to Eep): Well, I have no idea what to say... I'm actually quite shocked. It's kind of hard to help him, if he doesn't actually tell you what the problem is.
Eep (to Mouse): Yeah. Tell me about it. I just spent like 2 hours telling him that I have no idea why he would want to sabotage a relationship with someone he likes. Want me to push him and try to get some real info out of him?
Mouse (to Eep): Probably... Honestly, your best bet is to just ask him directly if they got married. Or I can do it, if you don't want to. It usually freaks him out enough when I guess what's bugging him to get an answer out of him.
Eep (to Mouse): I dunno. I might give him a coronary if I ask. He hasn't even hinted that they got married. But I can ask him if you think he'll be more likely to answer me.
Mouse (to Eep): Yeah, you're right, he'd probably die from shock. Well, you could also ask him about the NYE party & see where it goes from there.
Eep (to Mouse): Right. Right. Good idea. Uh, what am I asking him?
Mouse (to Eep): You're trying to distract him a bit, so he'll let his guard down... just ask him if he had a nice time at the party.
Eep (to Mouse): Oh. OH. Right. That makes sense. God. Sorry. I'm really shit at this.
Mouse (to Eep): It's okay... it's a good thing I find you irresistible. :-)
Eep (to Mouse): God. Tell me about it. I'm utterly useless with this kinda stuff. (to Vincent) Hey. Look, it's all gonna be OK. Kay? Um, let's change the subject. Did you have fun at the NYE party? Pretty incredible, wasn't it?
Vincent (to Eep): Yeah. It was OK.
Eep (to Vincent): OK? Just OK? You've been raving about it since it happened. WHILE it happened. Thanks for keeping me company, by the way. I would have been pretty damn panicked if I were alone.
Vincent (to Eep): Ur welcome. & ur rite, it was amazing. I've tagged along w/ Mouse 2 a couple of different events in the past, & 1ce on a TERRIBLE DJ tour. NOTHING was ever this well organized, or good-looking, or just as much fun.
Eep (to Vincent): Yeah. I have to say I was pretty fucking amazed with Poppy. I always thought she was kinda a drunken airhead... But she can really work a crowd.
Vincent (to Eep): She's not a drunken airhead!
Eep (to Vincent): Well, clearly not.
Vincent (to Eep): She's amazing!
Eep (to Vincent): Look, anyone who could pull off what she did is obviously really good at her job. She just SEEMS like an airhead sometimes.
Vincent (to Eep): She only seems that way 2 U b/c U don't pay attn. If there wasn't anything more 2 her, I wouldn't have started dating her. I certainly wouldn't have ended up marrying her. Oh my fucking God. Oh God...
Eep (to Vincent): What!?! Wait. WHAT!?! You and Poppy got married? When!?! WHY!?!
Vincent (to Eep): We were drunk. VERY drunk. Marriage drunk, apparently. I'm calling a lawyer tomorrow. We're going to get it annulled.
Eep (to Vincent): Jesus. Vincent! I don't know what to say... (to Mouse) Shit. I have confirmation. Christ.
Vincent (to Eep): I know. I know. I'm going 2 get it fixed. I'll take care of it.
Mouse (to Eep): So, they got married, huh?
Eep (to Mouse): Yep. And he likes her a lot more than he wants to let on.
Mouse (to Eep): Well, no surprise there... he & I have had several discussions about it, though he wouldn't come out & say it. They're clearly going to get it annulled. So, why is he freaked out, then?
Eep (to Mouse): I think it's partially because he feels like he fucks everything up that has to do with relationships. For all his "live in the moment" talk, he's still carrying around a lot of guilt about that whole creep situation. Do you know why he's so anti-commitment?
Mouse (to Eep): I think it's partially my fault because I was so anti-relationships of any kind for a while & something to do with his family. He hides really well behind the facade of wanting to "love" everyone, but I always suspected it was because he was afraid. Plus, if you haven't noticed, he's got a lot of acquaintances, but not a lot of actual friends. We're it.
Eep (to Mouse): Well, that explains why he's put up with my grumpy ass all these years. Christ. (to Vincent) Look, you guys were both drunk, so you should be able to get this mistake annulled. Why are you so freaked? I'm not saying you should stay hitched AT ALL, but why is the idea of an actual relationship so fucking scary to you?
Vincent (to Eep): God, pls. This is the most boring & mundane story in the world.
Eep (to Vincent): So what? I'm asking cause I wanna know. What are you so afraid of, Vincent? What's up?
Vincent (to Eep): I'm FAR 2 drunk 4 this 2nite, hun. Some other time. If U rlly want 2 know, I'll tell U. Just not 2nite. & tell my sister I'm OK. I know ur talking 2 her 2nite 2. I'm sure I freaked her out w/ that whole lawyer thing. I'll talk 2 her 2morrow 2 if she wants. I just think I need sleep now.
Eep (to Vincent): Uh, right. G'night. Um, we only ask because we worry about you, you know. (to Mouse) Looks like your brother went to bed. He said he'll talk to both of us about this tomorrow if we want.
Vincent (to Eep): I know. Love U 2.
Mouse (to Eep): That little twit, he probably knew the whole time that you were talking to me.
Eep (to Mouse): Um, yeah. He mentioned that. Sorry! I don't know if I made things better or worse.
Mouse (to Eep): I think you did fine. You got him to talk about some of the stuff that was bothering him. Thank you again for doing that...
Eep (to Mouse): It's OK. I actually feel really sorry for him. I mean... I dunno. I had no idea he had gone through the kinda stuff he has.
Mouse (to Eep): Why would you? He was just your little stalker boy. In the last couple years, he has opened up more to you than anyone else I know. Besides, I hate to say it, but you two are more alike than you care to admit, two sides of the same coin.
Eep (to Mouse): WHAT? Have you been drinking too? Two sides of the same coin, she says...
Mouse (to Eep): Yeah, you've both been through some messed up stuff & you each have dealt with it in your own way. You closed yourself off & he embraced the crowd. And, no I haven't been drinking.
Eep (to Mouse): Well, you can't say things like "you and Vincent are alike" and expect me to think any different. ;) But, of anyone, I guess you know us better than any other person. Another thing we have in common, I guess. And we're both fucking lucky to have you.
Mouse (to Eep): Well, the feeling is mutual. I feel pretty damn lucky to have both of you… So, are you all moved into your new place or are you still camping out on the floor?
Eep (to Mouse): Nope. I'm all set in the new place. My mattress is on the floor, and everything is either in a box or a pile, but I'm here. I guess I'm still camping out on the floor, but I've moved up in the world. Heh. Oh. Um, hey. I just realized. I'm, uh, like right next door to you now, aren't I?
Mouse (to Eep): Yep. Open your window, so I can lean over & give you a quick kiss. :-)
Eep (to Mouse): Wow. I, uh, I could get used to that.
Mouse (to Eep): Well, I'm sure you need to get some sleep after the busy day of moving & dealing with Vincent. If you want a window ledge kiss in the morning, just give a knock on the wall. :-)
Eep (to Mouse): Um, yeah. I really should. And, uh, I'll keep that in mind.
Mouse (to Eep): Sleep sweet, handsome.
Eep (to Mouse): Heh. You too, pretty lady.
