Zoe: Um, why is there a girl sleeping on our couch!?! Where'd she come from!?! ... I don't have time for this mystery, I need to get to school.
Vincent (to Zoe): Oh no you don't. You're not sneaking out without giving your old man a hug.
Zoe (to Vincent): Dad! You're home! I missed you. Why is there a girl on our couch?
Vincent (to Zoe): I missed you too, Monster. I seemed to have picked up a wayward skipper at the coffeehouse. This family is like a halfway house for the strange & unusual. Speaking of which, where are Nate and Aiden?
Zoe (to Vincent): Probably still asleep. They're heading off to their V-Day retreat later today. They've been sleeping in Victor's room... You know, cuz it has a door. So, she's a skipper too? That's cool.
Vincent (to Zoe): Yes... She said a collection team tried to pick her up, & I seem to make have a habit of bringing home wayward children. ;-) Give me another hug, my #1 wayward child, and get your narrow goth ass to school.
Zoe (to Vincent): Heehee... I'm on my way. I'm glad you're back. I have so much to tell you when I get home. You are staying, right? I want to hear about what's been going on while you've been gone, too.
Vincent (to Zoe): I am. We can gossip after you get home, before your brother gets back & tutts at us.
Zoe (to Vincent): Love ya, see ya, bye!
A short time later:
Ariadne: Huh? Wha-- Ow, my head... It's pounding harder than a sailor on shore leave.
Vincent (to Ariadne): You're awake. Here you are, hun. OJ and aspirin. Trust me, it will help. Do you want something to eat? It looks like we have cereal and frozen waffles. What do my children have against shopping for real food? Honestly!
Ariadne (to Vincent): OMG, yes. Thank you. I think I may have overdone it with the skipping yesterday...Cereal is fine. Coffee would be better.
Vincent (to Ariadne): Coffee goes without saying. We are civilized human beings, not animals.
Ariadne (to Vincent): Heh. At this moment, I would burn this planet to the ground if it meant I'd get a big fat cup of coffee.
Vincent (to Ariadne): Hee hee. Here you are, hun. No, need for mass arson. Do you want cream or sugar?
Ariadne (to Vincent): Both, please. I like my coffee, like, I like my men... Sweet, pale with a bit of a bite. :-P
Vincent (to Ariadne): Hee hee. I think my wife once told me the same thing. Here you are, ridonculous cream and sugar.
Ariadne (to Vincent): Heehee, your wife sounds perfectly lovely... you do actually have one, right? It's not you in a dress or something? Cuz, it would not be the first time I've come across that... There was this guy in Wyoming... Oh, is this TMI?
Vincent (to Ariadne): There was a guy in Wyoming who put on a dress and was his own wife? I can't say that I've EVER come across that before. Good heavens. There's self love, and then there's just silliness.
Ariadne (to Vincent): They ran a boarding house. He had some kind of multiple personality disorder. She would be the morning person & he was the afternoon person... When I realized what was going on, it was just too weird for me.
Vincent (to Ariadne): Well, kudos to them for making it work, I suppose. Heh. And yes, I have a For Real wife with two kids...the whole nine. And there's another pair of waywards wandering around somewhere. Speaking of one of the devils... (to Nathaniel) Coffee, hun?
Ariadne (to Vincent): Oh... (to Nathaniel) Hello there, handsome.
Nathaniel (to Vincent): Yeah. You're back! Everyone is OK, right? (to Ariadne) Uh, hi.
Vincent (to Nathaniel & Ariadne): Everyone is fine, kiddo. Nate, this is Hari. We met at the coffeehouse. Hari, this is my nephew Nate.
Ariadne (to Nathaniel): Nice to meet you. (to Vincent) Are all the members of your family such lookers & where do I sign up?
Nathaniel (to Ariadne): Uh... What?
Vincent (to Ariadne): Hee hee. I think you've broken Nate's brain, hun. (to Nathaniel) Here. Coffee.
Ariadne (to Vincent & Nathaniel): Oh... Sorry about that.
Nathaniel (to Ariadne & Vincent): It is too fucking early for this shit... Uh, I mean... Sorry, Uncle Vincent.
Aiden (to Nathaniel): Nate? Who are you talking-- (to Vincent & Ariadne) Oh, Captain Potter, welcome home... You brought a friend, I see.
Ariadne (to Aiden, Nathaniel & Vincent): Bozhe moy! Is there something in the water here?
Nathaniel (to Aiden): Hey! I didn't wanna wake you up.
Aiden (to Nathaniel): It's okay, you didn't. I needed to get up, anyway.
Vincent (to Nathaniel & Aiden): Hee hee. You two are adorable. Zoe mentioned you two are getting out of town for a couple of days.
Nathaniel (to Vincent): Oh. Um, yeah. Is that... That's OK, right?
Ariadne (to Aiden, Nathaniel & Vincent): Well, that explains it & is so much my luck... You two are a couple. I knew I couldn't have randomly fallen into the lap of a family of hot straight boys.
Vincent (to Nathaniel): It's fine. (to Ariadne) Hee hee. I'm afraid you're striking out all over, sweetie. :-P
Ariadne (to Aiden, Nathaniel & Vincent): You're telling me... I should just give up & join a nunnery. At least, I know I look good in black.
Vincent (to Ariadne): Ha ha ha. No need to be rash, hun.
Aiden (to Ariadne): Heh. Very sorry to disappoint you, Miss.
Ariadne (to Aiden): Please call me Hari. I'm not good with the whole honorific titles. It gives me a rash.
Aiden (to Ariadne): Heh. Fair enough. You can call me, Aiden. (to Nathaniel, Vincent & Ariadne) I really should get packed for our excursion. I'm glad to see you safe & in one piece, Captain. And, it was lovely to meet you, Hari.
Ariadne (to Aiden): Yeah, nice to meet you, too. (to Nathaniel) Way to go, homeslice. He is a ninth level hottie... Seriously, you're going to leave a girl hangin'.
Nathaniel (to Ariadne): Oh. Uh... Thanks. So what's your story, itty bitty?
Ariadne (to Nathaniel & Vincent): Do you want the boring version that I break out for the normals or the exciting clutching on the edge of your seat version? Though, I have to admit I'm partial to the wild version but you look like your heart might explode from that much excitement. Heehee. I'm just kidding... I only actually have one version.
Nathaniel (to Ariadne): Oh. "Normals," huh? (to Vincent) She another freak? You're not another cousin or some shit, are you?
Vincent (to Nathaniel): Be nice, Nathaniel. (to Ariadne) I'm interested in hearing more, hun, and I promise my heart can take it.
Ariadne (to Vincent & Nathaniel): Where do you want me to start? Do you want my whole life story or just the bit leading up to being here?
Vincent (to Ariadne): Tell me about your mother... Hee hee. I'm just kidding. Start wherever you like, hun.
Ariadne (to Vincent & Nathaniel): Heehee... Ok, well. I mentioned to you earlier that my family owns Fenris International & it's based out of Portland, which is where I grew up. My dad is Arthur Fenris the current CEO of the company. I've got an older brother, Andrew, who is being groomed to takeover the family business. I was pretty much raised by my grandmother on my mother's side. That's where I get the skipper gene. My mom, took that too literally I suppose, and skipped town when I was a kid. I guess staying in one place was way too much for her. Babushke & I never knew if she was actually a skipper like us or not. My dad got remarried several times, his current trophy wife is a year older than me, which is uber gross & I really try not to think about it too much.
Nathaniel (to Ariadne & Vincent): Oh, that's not sick at all. Sorry.
Ariadne (to Vincent & Nathaniel): It's okay. I'm actually a lot older than I look. Which comes in handy, let me tell you. I'm twenty-five, old enough to rent a car and everything... But, I sometimes like to play the poor wayward kid card. (to Vincent) Told you, you weren't old enough to be my dad. :-P (to Vincent & Nathaniel) … Anyway, my grandmother died & on her deathbed she told me to run, so I did. And, here I am.
Vincent (to Ariadne): Heh. I suppose not. Unless I was a VERY ADVANCED 12 year old. Did she say what you're running from, sweetie?
Nathaniel (to Ariadne & Vincent): Again, ewww.
Ariadne (to Vincent & Nathaniel): No, she wasn't very lucid at the end. It was weird because she had been a very strong, capable lady & she hadn't been sick or anything until after my dad had business guests over. Babushke recognized one of them from her time in Minsk on the other side. She was a doctor of some sort, what was her name, it started with a 'M'... Maladori. She had this little girl with her, said it was her granddaughter. I don't think she was human. Her eyes were dead cold. Anyway... after they left, that's when she started getting sick. My father brought it in all these top notch doctors trying to find a cure, but nothing worked.
Vincent (to Ariadne): Oh good fucking God... That is... That is not very good.
Nathaniel (to Vincent & Ariadne): What? Who the fuck is Maladori?
Vincent (to Nathaniel & Ariadne): She's the one who made Hiiri, and I'm guessing the "granddaughter" was Starling, the automaton you met earlier. I know for a fact Maladori has never had children.
Nathaniel (to Vincent & Ariadne): Oh shit. That isn't fucking good.
Ariadne (to Vincent & Nathaniel): ... Excuse me. I hate to be the last one to the party, but what the hell are you talking about?
Vincent (to Ariadne): We're going to need something stronger than coffee, hun. (to Nathaniel) Nate? You should probably go pack for your trip.
Nathaniel (to Vincent): Yeah, yeah. You don't want me hearing this shit, because then I'll know too fucking much. You know, at some fucking point, y'all gotta stop treating me like I'm fucking made of glass.
Ariadne (to Nathaniel): Wow, tiger! That's a pretty big chip on your shoulder.
Nathaniel (to Ariadne): Yeah, well...
Vincent (to Ariadne & Nathaniel): Back to your corners, you two. (to Nathaniel) Nate, I'm not trying to treat you like you're made of glass. You have had a terrible week on top of three terrible years. I want you to go on vacation with your adorable boyfriend. I'm not sure how much time you two will have together after this. Enjoy yourself, OK? Trust me. All this drama will MORE than be here when you get back.
Nathaniel (to Vincent): Yeah. I know. Oh. Shit. We're hugging now... Thanks. (to Ariadne) Um, sorry. Didn't mean to be a dick.
Ariadne (to Vincent & Nathaniel): I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stir up the family drama llama... I should probably go. Thank you again for letting me crash here. (to Nathaniel) It's alright, Nate.
Vincent (to Ariadne): Actually, hun, I think you'll want to hear this before you go. (to Nathaniel) Have a good time. Go. We worry about you, OK?
Ariadne (to Vincent): Oh okay, I guess I should know what might be after me. (to Nathaniel) It was nice to meet you.
Nathaniel (to Ariadne): Yeah. I'm always a fucking pleasure. It, um, it was nice meeting you too.
Ariadne (to Vincent): Your nephew is really something.
Vincent (to Ariadne): So what's your poison, kiddo? I've got gin, rum, wine and vodka. Don't be too hard on the poor kid. He's had a hard time of it, lately.
Ariadne (to Vincent): Red wine, if you've got it. I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it. He just seems to have a short fuse... typical teen angst, the world's greatest foe.
Vincent (to Ariadne): Red wine it is. Heh. And we were all horrible angsty little teens at one point or another, weren't we?
Ariadne (to Vincent): Heh... Some of us haven't quite grown out of it, yet. Ooo, come to momma, Señor Malbec.
Vincent (to Ariadne): Heh. Cheers. First think you should know, is that the woman that showed up at your house was Professor Maladori. She's a mad scientist and all around bad news. She works for CLANNG, a terrorist organization in Britannia. They've been hunting for skippers. Theoretically, because they wanted us to open portals at La Isla de las Puertas. But the missus and I shut that down months ago, and yet they've still been rounding us up. I wish I knew how to be more delicate about this, but CLANNG tried to use Nate's ex to scoop him up a week ago. When they found him, the poor lad he looked like he'd been mauled by a bear. And now is the awkward part... Do you think your family could have sold you out as a skipper? Here. Let me pour you a second glass before you answer.
Ariadne (to Vincent): Thanks... I wish I could say no but honestly my father would do anything to help his company's bottom line... He was never very happy that I left the family as soon as I could figure out how to support myself. He thought I was too much like my mother. He let my grandmother live in the carriage house he claimed out of concern for her but I think he did it just to irritate my mother & prove that he treated her mother well, if she ever returned. Plus, he's never liked it when anyone went against his will or his grand plan for them. He's always been a bit of a dictator. It's no wonder my mother ran off. Or why he likes to marry young bimbos. I'd love to say my brother wouldn't do anything like that, but he's like the younger version of my dad, from the car he drives to the ties he wears. Everything has been expressly decided by good old dad.
Vincent (to Ariadne): Well, hun, you're in good company. We are practically the depository for lost souls who are deep, bitter disappointments to better mannered, and oh-so-well-meaning family members. Hee hee. I don't think there's a person here who hasn't been told, they are a deep, DEEP disappointment. There are some VERY dangerous people interested in you, hun. If you need someplace safe, a sanctuary, we can offer it to you. We are certainly not on CLANNG's Favoritest People of the Year list. I will say this, however. We don't know one another at all, and no on in my family is expecting anything more or less than to extend exactly the same kind of safety to us that we're offering you. If you betray us, or TRY to betray us, to those that would hurt the people we care about, there won't be a corner of this world or any other that you can hide. Kay?
Ariadne (to Vincent): It's as clear as crystal... Don't betray you & yours or I'll end up dead in a ditch. Totes got it.
Vincent (to Ariadne): Oh, hun. There are worse things that can happen than dead in a ditch. Believe me. I've seen some of them. Besides, you don't have to accept anything from us. I can understand if you'd rather not.
Ariadne (to Vincent): Well, my grandmother always said "S pomoshchʹyutysyach veshchi vozmozhny." It means, with help a thousand things are possible. And, we may be able to help each other... My grandmother was from the other side of the portals.
Vincent (to Ariadne): My gran always said, "Boy! Where have you hidden my bourbon bottle, you worthless faggot?!" She was a charming woman. So, what can I tell you? I'm sure you have questions.
Ariadne (to Vincent): Well...So, who is this CLANNG? I mean, I've seen the posters around on the other side but, I'm not familiar with Britannia. The stable portal in Portland goes to the Russian Empire. So, I only know what goes on there. That's why my mother's family ended up in that city.
Vincent (to Ariadne): CLANNG is... whoo. How do I explain CLANNG? In its most simple of forms, it's an evil, terrorist organization. I know the... individual pulling the strings behind the scenes personally. She's a nightmare made real.
Ariadne (to Vincent): And, this is who that Maladori works for?
Vincent (to Ariadne): Maladori is freelance, but CLANNG is really the only organization that has any need for her particular brand of um, nastiness at the mo. Especially since CLANNG has eliminated all other gangs and mafias in Britannia as far as I know.
Ariadne (to Vincent): Oh... They're not nearly so powerful in Russia.
Vincent (to Ariadne): I wouldn't imagine so. And they're not nearly that powerful in Asia either. I'd imagine they're trying to change that as well.
Ariadne (to Vincent): Well, if they're the dicks that murdered by grandmother, I'll help you any way I can, Vincent.
Vincent (to Ariadne): Hee hee. Well, for right now, we'd just like to keep everyone safe. You know... Mostly.
A few hours later:
Victor (to Vincent): Hey Dad! I... Oh. I didn't realize we had company. (to Ariadne) Pardon me. I must have slipped in when you weren't looking.
Ariadne (to Victor): Hi there, cutie. (to Vincent) Don't worry, I'm not even going to waste my charm on him. I'm sure he's taken and way too young for me.
Vincent (to Ariadne & Victor): Heh. Hari, this is my son Victor. Victor, this is Hari, she's a skipper from Portland.
Victor (to Vincent & Ariadne): Really? Good heavens! Do we have a neon sign out front or something?
Ariadne (to Victor): Don't look at me, smallfry, your dad picked me up at a coffeeshop.
Victor (to Vincent): Dad! I thought Mom told you not to pick up anymore kids. You're going to have to buy a farmhouse at this rate.
Ariadne (to Victor): I'm not a permanent fixture, just passing through.
Victor (to Ariadne): Heh. I've heard that before. I'm just kidding, incidentally. It's not a bother. Very nice to meet you, Hari. Welcome. (to Vincent) Do we have anything to eat?
Zoe (to Vincent): DAD! I'm home! I've got so much to tell you. Oh! Hey! (to Victor) Victor, you're home, too! (to Ariadne) Hi there!
Victor (to Zoe): Hey! Give me a hug. How are you? Dinner? (to Vincent & Ariadne) Are you two hungry?
Vincent (to Victor, Zoe & Ariadne): Heh. I'm afraid the pantry is rather on the bare side. How does pizza sound?
Ariadne (to Vincent, Victor & Zoe): Pizza is my middle name.
Zoe (to Ariadne): Really? That's a funny middle name. I'm Zoe.
Ariadne (to Zoe): You're adorable is what you are. I'm Hari.
Vincent (to Zoe, Victor & Ariadne): Pizza it is. (to Aiden & Nathaniel) Oi! Lovebirds! Do you two want dinner before you go?
Nathaniel (to Vincent & Aiden): Holy shitting Christ! You scared the hell out of me! I'm not super hungry. Thanks.
Ariadne (to Vincent, Victor & Zoe): Brown chicken, brown cow... Those boys haven't been dating long, have they?
Zoe (to Ariadne): Heehee... It's been a couple months.
Victor (to Ariadne & Zoe): Heh.
Nathaniel (to Victor, Zoe & Ariadne): Don't fucking smirk! (to Victor) Like you and Yoyo are any fucking better. Um, She's OK, right? Everyone is OK?
Victor (to Nathaniel): Everyone is doing as well as can be expected.
Aiden (to Nathaniel): Nate, the cab is here! We need to go. (to Vincent, Victor, Zoe & Ariadne) We'll see you all soon.
Nathaniel (to Aiden): Oh yeah. OK. (to Vincent, Victor, Zoe & Ariadne) Um, see y'all later.
Zoe (to Nathaniel): Have fun with all the wilderness sex you'll be having! :-P
Nathaniel (to Zoe): Have fun singing, Maria Von Trapp!
Victor (to Zoe): Maria Von Trapp?
Zoe (to Victor): Heh... I'm in the school play and I'm Elphaba in Wicked.
Victor (to Zoe): What? Really? Congrats! That's excellent.
Zoe (to Victor): Thanks. It's been incredibly nerve-wracking. My understudy has been being a bit-- rude. (to Vincent) Sorry, Dad.
Viincent (to Zoe, Victor & Ariadne): Oh my poor virginal ears! Come on, children, and random wayward skippers. Pizza's on! (to Zoe) I can't believe you got the lead in the school play! I'm going to go find a water cooler just so I can stand around it & brag. Maybe I should do that. Sneak into random business offices, flirt with the accounting department, scandalize the interns... I need to do something to entertain myself while I'm on this side.
Zoe (to Vincent): Heehee. Thanks, dad.
Ariadne (to Vincent, Victor & Zoe): Pizza smells delish. Thank you.
Vincent (to Ariadne): You're welcome, hun. (to Ariadne, Victor & Zoe) There are a host of things you just can't get in Britannia, and pizza is one of them.
A couple hours later:
Ariadne (to Zoe): You know those things will stunt your growth, Little Bit.
Zoe (to Ariadne): Yeah well, I've seen my future & I don't get any taller than this. So, no worries.
Ariadne (to Zoe): Suit yourself. I was totally going to see if you wanted to rifle through my clothes since you seemed to be ogling my duds earlier but, your smoky hands aren't touching things.
Zoe (to Ariadne): Oh, I'll stop smoking & go wash my hands... Then can I look at the pretties?
Ariadne (to Zoe): Heehee, of course.
A short time later:
Victor (to Zoe): Zoe! You don't have a cigarette in your mouth! What happened while I was away. You're not dying are you?
Zoe (to Victor): Hush you! Hari offered to let me look at her clothes but not with smoky hands... So, I stopped. I'm just a slave to fashion.
Victor (to Zoe): Hee hee. Better than being a slave to the white dick of death. :-P
Zoe (to Victor): Thank you, mini dad. So, how's Risu? How's Yoyo? How's the airship?
Victor (to Zoe): Yoyo is fine, if exhausted. The new ship needs an INTENSE amount of work, and Risu is probably irritating her as we speak. Heh. She was so upset after you left.
Zoe (to Victor): Oh, my little squirrely misses me. I miss her, too.
Victor (to Zoe): I took your suggestion, and named the ship The Wicked Sister.
Zoe (to Victor): Oh my god! That is so fucking awesome. So, how long before you head back?
Victor (to Zoe): Hee hee, I thought you'd like that. I'm home for couple of days at least. Aiden has been running the jobs with me. I have to wait until he's back, don't I? How have you guys been?
Zoe (to Victor): Heehee, well that's good. I've missed my big brother... We've been fine & boring here... So boring. As much as I like not being hunted & all. Sometimes I miss being on the other side.
Victor (to Zoe): As annoyed as it may have made you, I'm glad everything was boring.
Zoe (to Victor): Not at all. Down time is overrated. I think she's absolutely faboo.
Victor (to Zoe): Heh. I'm not surprised. No one in this family quite knows what to do with ourselves during down time, do we?
Zoe (to Victor): So, what do you think of Hari?
Victor (to Zoe): I'm not sure yet. We shall see.
Zoe (to Victor):I think she's absolutely faboo.
Victor (to Zoe): Hee hee. Of course you think she's faboo.
Zoe (to Victor): Oh come on, she's got a wicked fashion sense, a sense of humor & she's gorgeous... Heh. I may have a girl crush on her.
Victor (to Zoe): Yeah, you do. Here. Here's your wallet back. You must have dropped it when you were rooting through girl stuff. :-P
Zoe (to Victor): I'm not that dumb, I don't keep my money in my wallet.
Victor (to Zoe): Of course you don't. You're a member of THIS family, aren't you?
Zoe (to Victor): Heh. Give me a hug, big brother! I'm going to go get my beauty sleep.
Victor (to Zoe): Good night, little sister. I'm going to go burn my sheets, and then head to bed myself.
Zoe (to Victor): Good night!
