OK. The first thing I gotta say is that I’m sorry I’m writing you a fucking letter about this. I hate this goddamn shit. Fucking coward’s way of saying something you’re too chickenshit to say face to face. My pop used to do this to me all the time! He would write the letters in goddamned Spanish too. Like I can fucking read 8 pages of Spanish...
So, I’m sorry this is a letter. I really am. I feel like an asshole, but I didn’t trust myself to say this to you in person. I wasn’t sure I’d have the guts to get everything out I wanted to say. Last night, when I was talking to you about the time I lived with Asher, and I looked up, and you had tears in your eyes... I dunno. I just couldn’t handle seeing you like that. In pain. Because of me, and the stupid shit I’ve done, and the stupid way I let it affect me.
I shouldn’t have left. I’m sorry. I thought my chest was going to burst open if I stayed. I felt like I was close to completely losing my shit, and... I guess I felt like I had put you through enough for the evening.
I really, REALLY like you. I’m sure I’m in love with you, but... Fuck, this is hard.
Look. I’m broken. I don't like having to admit that, but I’m a broken, shitty excuse of a significant other. I can try like hell, but I don’t know that I’m ever going to be healthy or right. And, you don’t deserve that. You’re amazing. You consistently, completely blow my mind, and you don’t even realize you’re being fucking amazing, because that’s just who you are. It’s overwhelming. And after everything you’ve had to endure, and everything been through...
Well, I feel like the last thing you need is to be saddled with a loser boyfriend with a shitty job who can’t even get over the dumb shit he got himself into over a decade ago. And, yeah, I’m not a complete goddamn moron, and I know that’s not my choice to make. These past 2 months have been so unbelievable, and if you’re anything like me, you’ve just been kinda going with it, and trying not to think too much about it. Which, yeah no kidding, has been really hard for me.
So, um, I guess what I’m trying to say, is I’m gonna try like hell not to be such an insufferable asshole, but I can’t promise anything. This might be as good as I get. And, I suppose I’m hoping you’re OK with that, and you still want to be with me.
But, I understand if you don’t.
And, God, this letter seems like such a shitty idea now.
So, I’m sorry this is a letter. I really am. I feel like an asshole, but I didn’t trust myself to say this to you in person. I wasn’t sure I’d have the guts to get everything out I wanted to say. Last night, when I was talking to you about the time I lived with Asher, and I looked up, and you had tears in your eyes... I dunno. I just couldn’t handle seeing you like that. In pain. Because of me, and the stupid shit I’ve done, and the stupid way I let it affect me.
I shouldn’t have left. I’m sorry. I thought my chest was going to burst open if I stayed. I felt like I was close to completely losing my shit, and... I guess I felt like I had put you through enough for the evening.
I really, REALLY like you. I’m sure I’m in love with you, but... Fuck, this is hard.
Look. I’m broken. I don't like having to admit that, but I’m a broken, shitty excuse of a significant other. I can try like hell, but I don’t know that I’m ever going to be healthy or right. And, you don’t deserve that. You’re amazing. You consistently, completely blow my mind, and you don’t even realize you’re being fucking amazing, because that’s just who you are. It’s overwhelming. And after everything you’ve had to endure, and everything been through...
Well, I feel like the last thing you need is to be saddled with a loser boyfriend with a shitty job who can’t even get over the dumb shit he got himself into over a decade ago. And, yeah, I’m not a complete goddamn moron, and I know that’s not my choice to make. These past 2 months have been so unbelievable, and if you’re anything like me, you’ve just been kinda going with it, and trying not to think too much about it. Which, yeah no kidding, has been really hard for me.
So, um, I guess what I’m trying to say, is I’m gonna try like hell not to be such an insufferable asshole, but I can’t promise anything. This might be as good as I get. And, I suppose I’m hoping you’re OK with that, and you still want to be with me.
But, I understand if you don’t.
And, God, this letter seems like such a shitty idea now.
